You know this time last year we didn't give a toss about Reading or football. Well, this year . . . nothing has changed. In fact, we at London Irish are not at all happy about having to traipse out to the back of beyond just to give you lower-class oiks the chance to see our wonderful game.
Many of our fans are annoyed because they think that they won't be able to get drunk at the games and then still drive home. Well, at least that won't be a problem, because the police never bother to stop any of us - they know whose fathers are top lawyers and whose aren't. And this is important because you need to get really drunk to put up with the mind-numbing tedium of 80 minutes of top-class egg-chasing.
But I'm getting carried away. What is our plan for Reading? Well, it's quite clear. We intend to take over your soulless concrete bowl and turn it into a full-time rah-rah stadium. I know it's a bit big (well, much too big really), but we had as many as 3,000 fans at some of our games last season, you know! We can knock down a couple of stands and replace them with more car parks for our Range Rovers. Planning permission's never any problem when you can get a couple of earls in to help with your case.
We also know how to con some of the locals to come along and attend our games - we make them pay full whack to get in but make sure that there's enough back-handers going around so that we get in for nothing. Bribery and corruption are things that we know a lot about - how else do you think we got Sky to start showing our games. They only get 50,000 viewers on a good Saturday afternoon but they still keep pumping millions into our coffers.
Compare that to what they pay you for millions of viewers, and tell me that we don't know what we're up to.
Well, that's all for this time. In the next piece, I'll talk about the pitch.
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