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The Leprechaun Sneers -
Tom and Jerry
In my last piece, I said I would talk about the state of the
pitch in this one. Well, I lied - it's a common trait among the
hooray henry, public school rah-rah fans that enjoy the egg-chasing,
and I don't see why I should be any different.
Instead I'm going to take you into a murky underworld filled
with treachery, bribery and betrayal. These are also
characteristics that are very common among the public schoolboy
types that I so love to hang around with. You'll understand that
we need to protect our agents because they are still undercover.
So I'll use code names, and this is therefore a story about Tom
and Jerry. However, all quotes are genuine and even include the
spelling and grammar errors that our agents left in there. (NB An
individual named K is referred to in two quotes - he is not one
of us.)
- 17/5/1999 - Jerry: Richmond to continue playing at the
Mad house whatever guise they may be in next season.
Worse luck..
- 7/6/1999 - Tom: Personally I don't want another Rugby
club
- 16/6/1999 - Tom: In the megastore yesterday I was talking
to the bloke who worked in their. I noticed that all the
egg-chasing merchandice had gone (so there's no chance of
them being here thank god) so I asked if he new anything
about us sharing with anyone this coming season. He
replied saying "yes we are but I don't know what or
who..." Why the hell do we have to share our ground
with anyone...can't we have at least 1 season whereby
it's our ground and only our ground. No Egg-Chasing, no
"other" footy teams, just RFC playing at "their
own" stadium.
- 17/6/1999 - Jerry: I'd understand the burning desire to
ground share if the remuneration was significant. But a
year of Richmond was only going to reap £200k or
thereabouts, which is a fraction of the money that we've
been throwing around on second class footballers. If the
money is that tight that we need to ruin our pitch for
every last quid we can squeeze out the stadium, then how
come Burns seems to be able to spend money like water.
It's bloody annoying.
So, as you can see, Tom and Jerry at that time took the same
views as most Reading fans and weren't ashamed to say so publicly.
That was before we intervened. In March 2000, we set up a network
of agents around the country to promote our disgusting egg-chasing
activities, and were able to bring Tom and Jerry on board as part
of our operation in Reading. Tom is a better agent, as he has so
far managed to avoid going public with his views despite doing
much more service for us. However I assure you that behind the
scenes he is still working on our master plan (which of course, I
can't go into here).You can however see the way Jerry's views
changed to reflect ours, helped no doubt by the money we pay each
month.
- 17/4/2000 - Jerry: It's been confirmed that the Mad House
will host the Heineken Cup Semi-Final (which is like the
European Cup of ovum-pursuing ) on Sunday May 7th, 3pm.
Northampton will play Llanelli (how exotic!!). I know
lots of RFC will fans will grumble about this but this is
a very high-profile event and should bring some serious
dosh in for the football club. Plus it's after the last
game of the season...
- 6/6/2000 - Jerry: I'm so pleased you said all this K -
it's great to hear some positive thoughts about sharing
the Mad Stad. ... we can have no complaints about sharing
with London Irish.
- 7/6/2000 - Jerry: Why do people assume we're entitled to
have the stadium all for ourselves? Did Chairman John
ever promise to use the stadium solely for the football
team? No is the answer.
- 8/6/2000 - Jerry: I'm amazed that only K and I are
pleased that RFC have found a way to help the club toward
financial stability. As long as they don't cut the pitch
up then I can't understand what anyone is moaning about.
- 4/9/2000 - Jerry: What annoys me is the precious Reading
fan who believes his twelve quid a fortnight entitles him
to have the stadium reserved for him alone, who cannot
bear the idea of a sport he hates being played there, and
who'd rather chairman Madejski continued to fork out the
ludicrous amounts of cash he is currently doing to keep
us afloat rather than find sensible financial solutions.
The quote from 8/6/2000 is a little ironic, because of course
we are doing our level best to cut the pitch up. It may not show
yet, but give it a while. And perhaps that really will be the
subject of my next article. It depends on whether you trust me or
not.
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