There's no doubt that the hot topic of the week in Division 2 is food. This is entirely due to the "Back to the Floor" programme featuring the Millwall chairman, Theo Paphitis, which was shown on BBC2 on Wednesday. For those of you that missed it or who live abroad, the programme features a chief executive finding out what the real work is like in his organisation. It normally manages to feature him (and it always is a "him", of course) cleaning toilets, emptying rubbish bins, serving the general public, as well as dealing with mundane administrative matters.
Among the features from this week's programme was a trip to the Millwall training ground, where the chairman did a spot of work helping to make the tea and toast for the players at the end of their training session. He seemed genuinely shocked that there were staff present to do this for the players, and has subsequently made sure that there are a couple of toasters and a kettle (plus some instructions!) hanging around so that the players can do it themselves.
The programme also covered the issue about whether the players should have to pay for their food. Paphitis at one point said that given that the wage bill was £2.5m, they ought to be able to afford 50p for toast. At this point of the programme, the camera cut to their forward Neil Harris, leaning on the counter. "I don't think we should have to pay", he said. "Why not?", asked the chairman, who went on to say, "Normal people earn much less than you and their companies might give them a subsidised restaurant but they still have to pay for their meals." Unfortunately we never got the chance to hear mega-brain Harris's no doubt intellectually rigorous and well-reasoned reply to this point, and it appears that the Millwall players are indeed still getting their food free.
However, there is a very good reason why footballers should be molly-coddled in this sort of way. There is no doubt that the diet of a player can have a massive impact on the way he plays the game. Example number one is of course Mass Sarr, a man whose parents chose the most appropriate forename they could possibly have managed. The word "diet" to Sarr merely meant something that only applied to others, as he tried to sample every food product in the greater Reading area. If you've caught glimpses of him playing for Sydney Olympic in the Australian Soccer League this season (highlights shown on Sky Sports every Thursday night), then you will have noticed that he is still carrying some bulk but perhaps a bit less than when he was last in Reading.
Another Reading player who clearly never met a pie that he didn't like was Paul Brayson (48 games as a striker, 1 goal). If you've seen photos of him when he was at Newcastle, you'll have seen an almost anorexic figure, but by the time he was being photographed at Reading it was time to break out the wide-angle lens. Again, it appears that he has lost weight since moving to Cardiff.
And the third in this particular three-course meal (or, as Sarr would say, three-course light snack) is Darren Caskey. It appeared that he had put on weight over the summer. The fact that he announced on Saturday that he had lost eight pounds would appear to confirm it.
Going back to the main theme of food provided at a club's training ground, I read an interview in The Whiff a couple of years ago where it stated that before Tommy Burns arrived the Reading players were not provided with food. This meant that after training they all went down the chippie and stuffed themselves with highly inappropriate stuff for the professional sportsman. Burns changed this by installing some system where they could get healthier food at the training ground. This may be the only positive thing that he managed to do in his time at Reading. The problem is that if you charge the players the full whack for the food the club provides, then they're just as likely to ignore it and go and buy pie and chips at the local greasy spoon instead. Of course with the likes of Sarr, tea and toast at the training ground would be simply a gentle introduction to the real business of stuffing his face later on, but the system should work for most normal individuals.
Is tea and toast an appropriate meal for a professional footballer after a training session? Well, I have to say I have no idea at all - I always thought they were meant to take in pasta and potatoes, but I could be years behind on this sort of thing. Perhaps in times to come, scientists will decide that the really healthy meal for a sportsman is five quarter-pounders with cheese, followed by a bucket of popcorn and a box of chocolates the size of a small car. In that era, Mass Sarr will be ready to make his comeback.
Home . Columns Index . The Cube's Corner Index
News . First Team . Opposition . Reserves . Academy . Where Are They Now? . Kingsley . MadStad . Interactive . Links . Site Map