Be A Grand Prix Driver

Well it had to happen, as sure as a Ron Dennis grimace, reality television meets motorsports. 'Be A Grand Prix Driver' on Channel 5 in the UK is Pop Idol on wheels with the tagline 'find the next Jenson Button'. Though a reality television junkie I wasn't going to watch but due to a lost remote control found myself starring at the opening credits and then I was hooked. I love a good comedy.

The premise is, contestants battle it out to win the overall prize of driving a Tyrrell 012 in an FIA Thoroughbred Grand Prix at Monza in May and a seven year contract with Essentially Sport who manage Jenson Button and Colin McRae. Starting with 1000 competitors they are whittled down by physical and mental agility tests, karting tests before being let loose on Croft circuit for Saloon and single seater instruction. Overseeing and judging are Jenson Button ("F1 superstar"), Tiff Needell (racing driver and tv presenter), drivers Tim Matthews and Martin Stretton, John Byfield (Button's manager and Essentially Sport CEO) and presenter Vicki Butler-Henderson who herself is a race car instructor; having had linguistics lessons from ACHQ I believe the term is 'she rocks'.

Now the first belly laugh was provided when it was announced competitors were between 18 and 49. 49?! Not wanting to be ageist but lets face if you are post 22 years old and want to be involved in Formula One, reproduce and become a pushy parent. But it is television and no doubt the producers feel a set of teenage, karting competitors who actually stand an ice lolly in hell's chance of a race career would be tedious viewing, they need real people, impossible dreams, and various other tv producer speak.

In the first programme, aired on Monday 21st April, the 1000 competitors (including van drivers and an Essex pole dancer, a must for all reality television shows) were put through their paces by Jenson Button's trainer Bernie Shrosbree. Bernie (and I like the idea of would be racing drivers' fates being in the hands of a Bernie) is a ex-SAS trainer, stomach like a washboard, former athlete. Competitors were put through sit ups, squats, strength tests and the Batak Reflex test which involves touching random flashing lights testing concentration, reaction time and peripheral vision. With segways of a sweaty Jenson training, the need for physical fitness of the highest standard was highlighted but something wasn't quite right.

Everyone was being far too nice. Jenson was nice, John was nice, Tiff was very nice and Bernie may have seemed a hard task master but I've seen Army instructors in full force and trust me he was being kind.

This programme lacks a Simon Cowell. Before so much as one bead of sweat was produced I could have lessened the line of hopefuls. Firstly there was a distinct number of boy racers. Anyone, and there were more than one, who thought proclaiming they'd bought a fast car and totalled it was a good addition to their verbal CV would be sent straight home with the word 'tosser' ringing in their ears. Anyone with a belly that could match, or indeed outpaunch, mine - home now. You've got to be cruel to be kind and it specifically says that John Byfield will also look at the competitors with a view to their marketability and media-friendliness. So goodbye men there as part of their male menopause (spot the side burns and wooden jewellery) and gingers. Come on, we're all thinking it. There was a distinct lack of ritual humiliation, and if we want to subject these hopefuls to the real pressures of being a Grand Prix driver ritual humiliation must be at the top of the list.

With 750 sent home (some crying), the remaining 250 went to the Birmingham Wheels kart track. The judges were looking to get down to 60, judging natural talent, ability to learn as well as speed. It was quite a fascinating process and certainly characters were standing out , some who will go on in the competition and others who are vowing to try again next year. As with Pop Idol and the like there are certainly those who equate to the Cheeky Girls and tone deaf. The director ensured we met some who it appeared to be totally in la-la land thinking they'd win this and wake up as Michael Schumacher.

It's entertainment at the end of the day and I was entertained and will tune in next week. I have a huge amount of respect for anyone who puts themselves forward for this with a sensible realisation of what the prospects are. I want to see a hippie haired girl and 40 year old milk float driver give their best and enjoy this rare chance. But do I think this show will produce Formula One's big new star? Well I shan't hold my breath but I strongly suspect we have yet to be introduced to some of the competitors at the younger end of the age scale who have strong experience in karting and have already taken part in racing schools as it is one of these who will win the title and with it a possibility to get a foot on the ladder. If, and it's a big if, this show does produce a winner who really is set on course for elite racing I wish them luck but I have reservations that the tag of being a reality tv winner will be as much a curse as a blessing.

If this country really wants to produce top quality sports people in motorsport we need to look towards the set up of our racing schools, sustainable educational programmes which follow groups of drivers through seasons, teaching them both race career skills and skills beyond, honestly recognizing there are few outlets in this competitive arena and productive scholarship schemes. Let programmes like this amuse and inspire the younger generation but the racing community as a whole needs to ensure there are working avenues for these future drivers to cut their teeth. From manufacturers to sponsors to spectators we all need to support the lower formulae to guarantee the truly talented racing drivers get to the top.

©Rebecca Hobbs

(c)RH PR 2007