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Two
elderly men Sam and Arthur, avid bridge players get some
bad news Arthur is dying. Sam says to Arthur, please
Arthur when you get to heaven somehow send me a message
and let me know if there's any bridge up there. Arthur
says he'll try. Arthur passes away and a week goes by,
not a word. Then suddenly Sam gets the call. "Sam"
Arthur says, there's good news and bad news. The good
news is there's a duplicate on Tuesday, the bad news is
you're playing.
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A
cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When
asked why she left her last employment, she replied,
"Well, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the
most ridiculous place I ever worked.
They played a game called Bridge, and last night a
lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring
in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay
down and let's see what you've got."
Another man said, "I've got strength but no
length." Another man says to the lady,
"Take your hand off my trick!" I
pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady
answered,
"You jumped me twice when you didn't have
the strength for one raise."
Another lady was talking about protecting her
honor and two other ladies were talking and one said,
"Now it's time for me to play with your
husband and you can play with mine."
Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was
leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say,
"Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the
last rubber."
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Learning
she was going to have twins, the bridge playing wife
said,
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"That's
just like my husband doubling me when I'm vulnerable.
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Do
you know what the difference is between a mad psycho
serial-killer and a bridge partner?
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You can reason with the serial killer.
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What
is the similarity between making love and bridge? |
If
you have a good hand you don't need a partner
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We
had a partnership misunderstanding. |
My
partner assumed I knew what I was doing.
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North
& South disappeared to the bathroom and North was
heard to say |
"This
is the only time I know what you have in your hand"
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A
well known lawyer was heard to say to his partner |
"If
anybody ever accuses you of playing bridge don't ask me to
defend you"
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After
another bad result North tore off a tiny portion of the
traveler and threw it at his partner and said |
"
Write everything you know about bridge and your name and
address on there"
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Teaching
one of my students to finesse with AQxx opposite J10xx,
I got her over to the dummy to lead the Jack and when
East played low I said to her to play low too. She won
the trick and looking somewhat surprised, placed her
hands on her hips and said |
"Well,
Where has it gone"
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At
a recent tournament after the auction had finished East
started bombarding the opps with questions about the
bidding. South politely explained that west had at least
5Spades & 4Hearts, East said can she be the other
way round, South said no. East said can she have more
than 5-4, South said yes and so it went on. Eventually
South said I can tell you no more whereupon East said I
shall have to call the tournament director. South who
shall remain nameless stood up and said |
"
Madam, don't call the tournament director, call the
police"
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Two
ladies were playing in a local duplicate against a
player of some repute who escalated himself into a
somewhat lofty contract of 4hearts which went 2 down.
During the course of the play it transpired that one of
the ladies had H:KQJ10 + 2 aces at which point her
partner duly admonished her and enquired why she hadn't
doubled to which she replied : |
"
Oh no, I know him, he always redoubles
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West
bids...., North doubles East looks at South
suspiciously: Is your partner's double for
business?
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South smiles sweetly: No, no, its for pleasure!
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Declarer
on my right was about to pull a card out from dummy when
it was her turn to play a card. Before I could say
anything. My partner said "Aren't you playing from
the wrong hand?" Declarer looking rather vexed by
this comment said
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"...I
don't have to tell you that!"
Both
submitted
by Gabriel from Norwich
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