Terry@rigdenage

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A Cautionary Tale

by 'Chipslayer'

Once upon a time there was a man who desired to upgrade his wife's computer so he could free the skies of France from the wicked Hun (play on a flight sim).

Now he happened upon a merchant that would sell him a Cyrix 486DX2-66 for just 18.36 pounds, (+vat, delivery & Credit card surcharge) and he was mightily tempted, and being weak he did succumb to the siren call and buy the infidel (non Intel) chip without asking permission of her indoors or the great Dell.

Verily it came to pass that when he fitted the foreign chip unto the Dell it did work and with great haste, until the time came to feed it with new software. Whereupon it did puke and fall down with its legs in the air in great distress. Being of a practical nature the man did fool about with drives and files and even jumpers to no avail. His pleas to the mighty Dell brought forth the rebuke "You silly bugger we are true followers the great god INTEL and all his works, no other chip shall sully our hearts". And Cyrix did treat his imprecations for assistance with a haughty silence, likewise the ibm.chips newsgroup.

So thinking "this aint worth the candle" the man did rip out the offending object and restored the faithfull old SX33 chip. And when he bid the Dell awake from its slumbers, it would not wake. The Dell slept the sleep of the dead, verily even the fan would not revolve. Whereupon the man was exceeding vexed and cried "Oh **** **** **** she'll kill me as dead as this Dell". And he did slink off and eat a whole bar of Tescos fruit and nut.

Thus fortified he once again opened the bowels of the Dell to find he had put the faithfull SX33 in its nest sideways which did send it to the great chip shop in the sky. Whereupon he did swear (unto the limits of his vocabulary) "I will fit the true heart of a PC an Intel 486DX2-66, verily everyone and his dog advertises them I will have one before the sun do set thrice!"

But in vain did he search as the great god INTEL had decreed that 486DX2-66 chips were to be smote from the face of the earth to make way for Pentium. Long and hard was his search, through yellow page and PC mag. Till finally he did run one to earth in the Coldray centre. But being exceeding rare he was compelled to pay a Kings Ransom (99 pounds + vat).

Once fitted with its true heart the Dell did live again and would run as a gazelle though flight sims and cad drawings and the skies of France were cleared of the wicked Hun.

The man did then lay this curse upon the head of Pentium:

"May ye go forth and multiply - for we know thou can'st divide"

Much chastened the man did resolve to :-

  1. Fix not that which ain't broke

  2. Enquire deeply on compatibility prior to purchase

  3. Ensure chips are in their nest the right way before switching on

  4. Gettest a machine with many processor options.