Right, football, the opiate of the masses. It is this glorious sport that brings thousands of people together, producing emotions that are rarely seen elsewhere, and actions that are almost inexplicable. What is it that makes a grown man travel hundreds of miles to watch 11 other grown men run about for 90 minutes, and then go home again? Whatever anyone has against it, there is no denying that it is a great sport, and one that will continue to grace our lives for many many many years to come.

This page was originally going to be a page where I ranted and raved about football issues of the day, but it now seems that I don't have enough time to update it often enough to make it worthwhile, so I'm going to put on some quotes, opinions of others, as well as my own thoughts on things that aren't going to go away for a long time. Things that have always been debated in football, and always will be. Things that have just been thrown up recently (a bit like last night's curry), and look like they will continue to dominate the game for years to come. I will also try and put some 'witty anecdotes' on if I ever get hold of any.

One thing that football fans - and players - often get ribbed about is rituals, lucky charms, or anything that is used in a desperate attempt to influence the result of a match - often before it has even started! Nick Hornby, in Fever Pitch said, ".....what else can we do when we're so weak? We invest hours each day, months each year, years each lifetime in something over which we have no control; is it any wonder then, that we are reduced to creating ingenious but bizarre liturgies designed to give us the illusion that we are powerful after all, just as every other primitive community has done when faced with a deep and apparently inpenetrable mystery?"

What sort of things can you do then? Buying the same type of food from the same kiosk, going through the same turnstile, wearing the same coat, the same trousers, the same hat, these are all fairly standard. You can also try taking the same route to the game every match and so on. There are also the slightly stranger ones - throwing a sugar mouse under the wheels of a passing car (Nick Hornby again), having to say certain words as you enter the ground - there are thousands of possibilities! It is fairly likely (in most cases anyway), that none of these work, but it is comforting to know that you are doing something that might help the players. If it goes wrong and you lose, however, then you have to work out what you have done differently. Last season, I took someone to their first Cheltenham game, and we lost. Had we lost the next game as well, there is a good chance that a certain person would have been banned from the ground! (Only joking.....probably....)

The crowd is another thing that makes football what it is. Whether it is a mass of 50,000 people all trying to watch a top Premiership game, or one man and his dog watching a Sunday League match, they are all important. The chants that go with every match are sometimes the only thing that can keep a team going when they are losing, or it is an extremely scrappy or boring match. But why do crowds sing?

There are two possible explanations to consider for this. One is that, as I have mentioned, it helps the team, lets them know that they have support, that someone cares and is cheering them on. This is the same whether it is Man Utd, or the local school team.

The other explanation is that of one-upmanship. Football is still - whatever femminists etc want to say - a predominantly male sport, and most men want to be better than their rivals. Where better a place to show it than at the football. If the crowd supporting one team can shout louder than the crowd supporting the other team, then they must be better. Why settle for anything less?

Hope this is enough to keep you going for a bit. More to follow soon. To return to the Blokes Page, simply close this window.