There are many things you can do to help your child better understand the world and in doing so make everyone's lives a little easier. The ideas below are only suggestions which you may or may not find helpful.

Keep instructions and speech simple ... for complicated jobs use lists or pictures - break task into smaller steps - they often understand much less than their use of language would make you believe.

Try to get confirmation that they understand what you are talking about/or asking - don't rely on a stock yes or no - that they like to answer with.

Explain why they should look at you when you speak to them.... encourage them, give lots of praise for any achievement - especially when they use a social skill without prompting.

In some young children who appear not to listen - the act of 'singing' your words can have a beneficial effect.

Limit any choices to two or three items.

Limit their 'special interest' to set amounts of time each day if you can.

Use 'turn taking' activities as much as possible, not only in games but at home too.

Pre-warn them of any changes, and give warning prompts if you want them to finish a task... 'when you have coloured that in we are going shopping'.

Try to build some flexibility in their routine, if they learn early that things do change and often without warning it can help.

Don't always expect them to 'act their age' they are socially immature and you Try to identify stress triggers - avoid them if possible -be ready to distract with some alternative 'come and see this...' etc.

Promises and threats you make will have to be kept so try not to make them too lightly.

Find a way of coping with behaviour problems - perhaps trying to ignore it if it's not too bad or hugging sometimes can help.

Teach them some strategies for coping - telling people who are teasing perhaps to 'go away' or to breathe deeply and count to 20 if they feel the urge to cry in public.

Begin early to teach the difference between private and public places and actions, so that they can develop ways of coping with more complex social rules later in life.

Let them know that you love them -wart's an' all' - and that you are proud of them. It can be very easy with a child who rarely speaks not to tell them all the things you feel inside.

Remember, they are children just like the rest, they have their own personalities, likes, dislikes and abilities - they just need extra support, patience and understanding from everyone around them.

Try to keep your language as literal as you can to help avoid confusion.

Expressions such as can cause alarm:-

'mists of time'

'red rag to a bull'

'pull your socks up'

Literal interpretation can either lead to non-understanding or even alarm. It can help if you try to explain in concrete terms the meaning of an expression:-

'pull your socks up' = 'must try harder'

Even expression like 'Dad will be mad' - can cause problems for some as the word 'mad' is interpreted as 'insane' as opposed to 'angry'.

Understanding on a one- to - one basis is often good especially with an adult (the reason they can appear to do so well on medical interviews etc.,). However, on the playground or in a classroom the 'pragmatics' (social use of language) can affect their ability to understand.

Sensory problems are common - from food, smells, clothes, colours - try to avoid confrontation, it isn't helpful. Instead try to build their tolerance levels to what offends.

Many like to be alone. They can be happy this way. It is not a bad thing. Try to involve the child as often as possible in projects you know he/she can cope with. Often they enjoy themselves once they have begun a new occupation. Don't overdo it though - maybe 10 mins is enough!

By way of conclusion, I have to say how much I am pleased to know many people with Asperger syndrome - my life has been enriched by the experience. Their lives may be different to mine but that is in no way wrong. Our children, if diagnosed early, will benefit from the many interventions we as parents, the schools and the therapists can do to help them to develop enough skills to reach their own goals. Those goals may not be our goals, but they are just as valid.

It is not everyone in the world who is the life and soul of the party - nor would it be desired.

We are all different, as indeed are each of our children. We should honour what they want from their lives. To know when to push and when not to is something we all must learn and re-learn almost everyday. Our special children may take longer to reach maturity. We perhaps must be ready to accept that many of them will need some support throughout most of their lives.

Life has given you as a parent a hard task but you will be repaid many times over as your child masters a task you once thought beyond him/her. He/she may place additional demands on you that other children will not. They are worth it, always remember that, even on the darkest of days.

Share with others in a similar position, how ever hard it is to take that first step. You will reap benefits, simply knowing that you are not alone is a great boost. Sharing information, exchanging strategies, tips on medical matters - all can be shared, we do not have to fight the entire battle alone.

May you tread the path ahead with spirit, patience and love.

Rosalyn Lord 

 

©Rosalyn Lord 1999

 

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