The History of the ISMS
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Chapter
4 - Black marketeers
The leaked documents turned out to be copies of “ISMS International”. They had been smuggled out of Arabia in a consignment of moslem bags, and I was offered a black-market copy.
I thought that I had missed the boat of no return, but I didn’t want to unrest any stones so I took the bull by the nails and bought a copy of “ISMS International”. I should have looked at it with a barge pole because I very quickly realised that I had been sold a black pig - and paid over the nose for it! All the data in the magazine had been masqueraded and none of the isms were co-tangent with ours. How could I have been sold a duck? Somewhere out there black-market executives would be getting rich by sticking their snouts in the gravy train, even though they were probably still green behind the ears.
I rang the Prime Minister (I had already written to her earlier to say that I would be writing to her later, and asking for two copies to be forwarded back to us) but Mrs Thatcher didn’t give a Toyota! The Department of Customs and Exercise were no help either; they didn’t give a can of worms! Their Chief Officer said he had no freedom in the matter - his eyes were tied behind his back. However, he did offer to keep his ears peeled. Two of his women WPCs, who seemed to got channel vision, suggested that it was probably and under-the-carpet job. The onus was back on my shoulders and I decided to fuddle through and stop running around like an egg-less chicken!
To prove that there were no fools on me I took on more staff and paid them rotary and alternative shift allowances. I employed a systems analysist who knew Gateshead like the back of his head, and an electrician who was well up on current practice. Together with the sterling help of the finance director, who always had a piece of pen and a paper handy, we attempted to avoid a major ismatical crisee.
I decided to take my research team to the middle-east to try and locate the source of the black-market isms. My aim was to disencourage their publication and derail the juggernaut. This may seem like a slow-winded, round-about-robin way of doing things but I was willing to use any backshop and cornerhand methods to preserve the integrity of genuine isms. Ignoring the Kingsbury rules of boxing, we were going in cracking the big stick and bouncing the drum for genuine isms. I was about to set the fat among the pigeons!!
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The History of the ISMS is copyright to S L Rottenpig-Rules and LFG
publications in association with the ISMS and JRP
