stupid things to do...

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We already know tandems are two seats, two wheels, two people, too long, too heavy, and too fast. But did you know that their owners are too stupid to take anything seriously? Including their own lives. Here are our suggestions for stupid things to do on a tandem.

jump them

Unlike white men tandems can jump. It just takes a lot of practice. Suspension definitely helps.

Practice on your own at first. Find a nice flat area where the ground drops away. Go at it faster than you dare. Going just as fast as you dare is not fast enough. Just before going over the lip do the biggest bunny hop you can manage. Relax and enjoy the flight.

Now try it with two people on board. Racing often leads to the overconfidence necessary...

get towed along by them

Don appropriate footwear and hold on to the stokers seatpost.

Being northern loonies appropriate footwear of course means sparking clogs. Think wooden soles and horseshoes. Grand. Rollerblades will do at a pinch but, really, without the smoke, the sparks, and the damage to the tarmac where's the fun?

And yes the towee is as close to that rear tyre as he looks. Not one to try whilst running 2.3" tyres...

Anyone who knows where we can get new irons for a pair of size 8 common toe clogs please forward the details to singlespeeder.

thanks

To Gloria Estefan for doing the hardwork of towing. And for lending his Collella for abuse at the jumps.

To Uncle Peter for the pictures. He's a mean tandem pilot himself. Apologies now for the maniacal and girly laughter in his ear when I'm stoking. The midnight assault on Hellvellyn is still fondly remembered.

disclaimer

The riders depicted here are not professionals. Copying their actions will lead to much hilarity until it ends in tears. And it will. And it'll bugger your clogs.