1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3) You know stuff about tanks.
4) A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5) Monday Night Football.
6) You dont have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8) You can open all your own jars.
9) Old friends dont give a crap whether youve lost or gained weight.
10) Dry cleaners and haircutters dont rob you blind.
11) When clicking through the channels, you dont have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
13) All your orgasms are real.
14) A beer gut doesnt make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15) Guy in hockey masks dont attack you (unless you smash em into the boards).
16) You don+t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17) You understand why Stripes is funny.
18) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19) Your last name stays put.
20) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21) When your work is criticized, you dont have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22) You can kill your own food.
23) The garage is all yours.
24) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25) You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27) You never have to clean a toilet.
28) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
29) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32) your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33) The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34) You dont have to shave below your neck.
35) None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36) You dont have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
37) If youre 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38) You can write your name in the snow.
39) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41) Chocolate is just another snack.
42) You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
44) Flowers fix everything.
45) You never have to worry about other peoples feelings.
46) You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47) You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49) You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50) You can say anything (-Wow, do my balls hurt!-) and not worry about what people will think.
51) Foreplay is optional.
52) Michael Bolton doesnt live in your universe.
53) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
54) You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55) You dont have to clean your apartment if the meter readers coming by.
56) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58) You dont give a rats butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
59) You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
60) The world is your urinal.
61) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lovers about to leave you.
62) You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64) One mood, all the time
65) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66) You never have to drive on to another gas station because this ones just too skeevy.
67) you know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68) You can sit with you knees apart no matter what youre wearing.
69) Same work...more pay!
70) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71) You don+t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72) Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
73) You dont care if someones talking about you behind you back.
74) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earths population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75) You dont mooch off others desserts.
76) If you retain water, its in a canteen.
77) The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78) People never glance at your chest when you+re talking to them.
79) ESPNs SportsCenter.
80) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81) Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
82) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83) You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84) You neednt pretend youre -Freshening up- to go to the bathroom.
85) If you don+t call your buddy when you say you will, he wont tell your other friends youve changed.
86) Someday youll be a dirty old man.
87) You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase -Screw it.
88) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89) Princess Dis death was just another obituary.
90) The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because youre not in the mood.
92) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93) If something mechanical doesnt work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94) New shoes dont blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
95) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96) You dont have to remember everyones birthdays and anniversaries.
97) Not liking a person doesnt preclude having great sex with them.
98) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: -So...notice anything different?
99) Baywatch
100) Theres always a game on somewhere.