1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
3. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
4. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
5. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
6. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
7. Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
8. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
9. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
blown around too much.
10. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
11. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
12. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
13. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
14. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
15. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
16. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
17. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
18. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
in her forehead!
19. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
what she did with her pencil.
20. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
21. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
go down on you.
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.
29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
attractive?
A: Her ankles.
34. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
36. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.
37. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
38. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
39. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
40. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
41. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
42. Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
43. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
44. Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
45. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
46. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.
47. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
48. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.
49. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
50. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
51. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
52. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.
53. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilised.
54. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
55. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ?
A: Kick open the car door.
56. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
57. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.
58. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
59. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
60. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
61. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
62. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
blond
drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
63. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
64. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
65. Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band/team?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
66. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
67. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
68. Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before
having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
69. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
70. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
71. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: The batteries have run out.
72. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
73. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
74. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
75. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
76. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
77. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
78. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
79. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
80. Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
81. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
82. Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
83. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
84. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
85. Q: Why do blonds like BMW?
A: Because it's the only car they can spell the name.
86. Q: How do you call a blond with 2 neurones?
A: Pregnant of a blond
87. Q: What are the similarities between a blond and a bowlling bal?
A: They both have 3 holes to put something in
88. Q: How do you call a blond in a scientific institution?
A: Visitor
89. Q: Why does the blond's brain is the same size as a greenbean?
A: Because it increases after she dies
90. Q: What do you do in order to make a blond laugh monday morning?
A: Tell her a joke Friday night.
91. Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
92. Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
93. Q: How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
94. Q: How do you get a Blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her the drinks are on the house.
95. Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as
opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
96. Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
97. Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the
typewriters.
98. Q: What's hit more balls than a Ken Griffey's JR's baseball bat?
A: A blonde's chin.
99. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a
handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to
the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for
her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the
paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife,
inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she
realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had
paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his
pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch,
it's a Ferrari."
100. Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar, and a skinny blond?
A: One's a phony buck.
-Chris Sugden, Winner of August '98 compo.