~You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
~You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
~You burn the midnight oil at 9 P. M.
~Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today."
~You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
~You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.
~The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
~Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
~The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
~A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
~Your knees buckle but your belt won't.
~The little gray-haired person you help across the street is your spouse.
~You look forward to a dull evening.
~You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
~You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
~You get your exercise acting as pallbearer for your friends who exercise.
~Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl.
~You get winded playing chess.
~Dialing a long-distance call wears you out.
~You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.
~Your little black book contains names all ending in "M. D."
~You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.
~Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.
~Your children begin to look middle-aged.
~You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
~You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
~You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
~After painting the town red, you have to wait a long time before applying the second coat.
~You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
~You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
~You are 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist and 98 around the golf course.