~Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
~You ski uphill.
~You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
~You speed walk in your sleep.
~You answer the door before people knock.
~You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse
~You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
~You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
~You sleep with your eyes open.
~You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
~The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
~You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
~You lick your coffeepot clean.
~You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
~You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
~You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
~Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
~You chew on other people's fingernails