Flurby Jim & Herby Flo have Row

Today, amidst news that maybe Flurby Jim wasn't such a great bloke as we'd previously thought (though no-one cares to come up with a reason why - look out for next Wednesdays copy of any tabloid for a story about drugs or homosexuality or whatever else they can cobble together), it was reported that Herby Flo had actually evicted Flurby Jim from their suburban, two up, eight down house.


We caught up with Flurby Jim, and he had this to say :

"*hic*" - Flurby Jim

More, impressively, this reporter managed to pick up the following transcript of an attempt by Flurby Jim to say sorry :

BILL So how long are you staying here for?
F.JIM Until I can get back with H.FLO
BILL You what?
F.JIM Flo, Herby Flo. That girl, you know?
BILL Oh yeah. I have a suggestion . . . . never fails . . .
(there is a knock on the door)
BILL Who's there?
BET BET!
BILL BET who?
BET BET YOU DIDN'T GUESS IT WAS ME!
F.JIM Is this a joke?
BILL What?
F.JIM You interrupted me . . . I was saying, is this a joke : "Hello, I'm Benny Von Baun, its Friday, its still number one - its Top of the Pops"
BILL Not really. Well, yes actually . . .
BET I'd still like to be let in
BILL Who are you again?
BET BET YOU DIDN'T GUESS IT WAS ME!
BILL Gosh! Really! Last time I saw you, you were knee high to your similar, but opposite cousin, 'BET YOU DID GUESS IT WAS ME'
BET Just let me in, you harlequin
(BILL lets BET in)
BILL Do you still sell flowers?
BET Yes
BILL Okay, Flurbs, this is the plan : you will say it with flowers
F.JIM Oh, I'm so proud
BILL Give him some flowers, BET
BET Okay! (hands over some flowers)
F.JIM I 'spose I'll be off then. Anyone coming with me?
BET Okay
BILL I'd like to, but alas my big head prevents me from being able to pass through the front door, and quite frankly I wish SOMEONE AROUND HERE had thought better about my proportions
F.JIM Ummm, goodbye


Later, at Herby Flo's house . . .

(there is a knock on the door)
H.FLO Who's there?
BET BET!
H.FLO BET who?
BET BET YOU DIDN'T GUESS IT WAS ME!
H.FLO Is this a joke?
F.JIM What?
H.FLO You interrupted me . . . I was saying, is this a joke : "BBC 2's 'The O Zone' is aimed at people over the age of 12, and we all like that idiot Jayne Middlemiss really"
F.JIM Absolutely
BET I'd still like to be let in
H.FLO Who is that other chap with you?
BET Oh, I forgot about him. It is that chap. You know, your husband?
F.JIM Herby! I'm sorr . . .
FLOWERS Herby! I'm sorry
F.JIM No, we are meant to start at the same time
FLOWERS How the hell was I supposed to know that? I'm in-animate you know
F.JIM Of course, that isn't strictly true
BET Neither is this : you'll meet lots of nice people if you study English Literature
F.JIM Or this : you'll meet any nice people if you study English Literature
BET But Flurby, aren't you meant to be the straight man?
F.JIM (aggressively) You what?
BET Good going
FLOWERS Herby! I'm sorry!
H.FLO Oh. Okay. Come back in then
(Flowers enter house)
F.JIM I'm sorry too
H.FLO I don't care about you any more. You've been visually more sensible than me for the last time in this household!
F.JIM You're right!
(Flurby Jim hastily dresses up as some pathetically less than funny, over hyped Canadian who has falsely persuaded himself he is amusing)
H.FLO Oh, come in then
F.JIM Nice one, BET
BET Nice one, F.JIM. Thanks for bringing me (I'll leave now)

Rumours that Mike Myers plans to sue are, as yet, entirely made up. By puritans!