Smitheson-Jameson Unemployed

A few weeks ago, Smitheson-Jameson was fired from his high paid city job, and has taken the intervening weeks to become a middle aged hopeless, pathetic, loser.


I met up with him for a drink, and he told me this :

"I'm surprised I made it! You see I live along this long, straight road and cars frequently dodge out from the other side to try and overtake long queues, but then they see someone coming straight at them and it is all very dangerous. Actually, my wife was killed by just such an incident last week. I know because her sister phoned me and said so. She also said not to ring her house anymore. The funny thing is, there was never any sign of any accident or anything on the news. Also, that night, someone came and took all my wife's belongings!" - Smitheson Jameson

Also :

"I tried to phone my mother to tell her about my wife, but some woman who must be quite similar, because she sounded quite similar, said she had moved away in a hurry, and that I wasn't to try and find her." - Smitheson Jameson

It goes on :

"And that evening, when I went to the pub to meet my friends, they must have forgotten which pub we meet in or something, but later I found them in a different pub laughing and having fun. They must have been quite drunk though, because when I went to speak to them, they all said they didn't recognise me, and would I please leave town or hang myself" - Smitheson Jameson

And gets worse :

"So I went home again, and I guess it was some mindless thugs - but someone had smashed all my windows and written 'we don't like your sort around here' on all my internal walls" - Smitheson Jameson

Can you even bring yourself to read this? :

"So I tried to find and comfort my dog, but he had run off. When I went to the lost dogs home, they said they had found a dog fitting that description, but that he didn't want to speak to me. Must have been some other dog!" - Smitheson Jameson

On a lighter note :

"When I'm lying in my bed, I think about life and I think about death, and neither one particularly appeals to me" - Morrissey