What does it all mean?

Today Flurby Jim wondered : what does it all mean? Why was I put here? How will I feel when I'm dead?

Hut he didn't wonder for too lnog because he was still embarassed about his surprise birthday party a few days earlier :


Scene : the living room. The lights are off and it appears entirely empty.

(Flurby Jim enters)
Flurby Jim What a dull day.

(suddenly the lights flick on, and 100 people jump out of the shadows and yell 'surprise')

Flurby Jim What's this?
Herby Flo Happy birthday!
Flurby Jim You what?
Herby Flo Happy birthday.
Flurby Jim To whom?
Herby Flo Oh, you haven't forgotten, have you? And we went to all this effort. Its your birthday!
Flurby Jim Umm, "I thought you'd all forgotten"
Herby Flo Horay!
Flurby Jim Wait a minute, it was my birthday last Wednesday. You did all forget.
Herby Flo Ummm, "Happy birthday"
Bill Look, cheer up, I flew all the way in from China to be here
Flurby Jim I didn't even know you were in China
Bill Oh, thanks a lot, mate. I'll remember that next time I'm in China. E.g. tomorrow
Flurby Jim You're going back to China tomorrow?
Bill Yes, repeated air travel is necessary to maintain the population level.


Thats about all Flurby Jim could remember though. On account of being high on diesel and gasoline. And subsequently dead. But only temporarily, and even then only on a technicality. And begging the question : why now wonder what it feels like to be dead.

"Some days you have to push yourself to your limits, to the absolute end of what you can comprehend, just to remain vital - to remain alive. But not today" - Ted Jefferson

"Surprises let me know she cares" - Bill

Anyway, something else Flurby Jim has done recently in the wake of a once again faltering TV career is to return to media journalism. In particular he now writes a weekly column for one of the leading Sunday broadsheets in honour of a certain particularly dense current president of the USA entitled 'Bleeding Heart Liberal of the Week'. Destined to be much more popular than 'ran out of ideas really quickly' Fact vs Fiction, here is a sample :


Bleeding heart liberal of the week this week goes to none other than Joerg Haider. Haha! Not really. But listen to this story :

The other day I left my house, and starting running down the street. Not for any particularly good reason, just that I was going for a jog. Anyway, I got halfway down the road and stopped to kick some small children really hard. To which a really old man said :

"Leave them! Leave them, can't you? Don't you see - they're already dead" - a really old man

Of course I realised immediately. That old man was bleeding heart liberal of the week!

"Of course the USA should play a larger part in the cleanup of the world's environment, definitely looking past basic forest plantation - as a nation it is efffectively just 4% of the population creating 25% of the pollution" - a leading bleeding heart liberal

"I appreciate the stress Mr. Blair must be under, as a Labour second term becomes less and less absolutely certain, but I don't believe he should be allowed to get away with murder, arbitrarily culling leading members of the opposition" - king of the bleeding heart liberals

"Please help me, I have fallen and broken my leg" - another bleeding heart liberal

"There is no reason to fear. The government will protect me. They are the government that works for the future" - Bill

"I love bunnies" - the most liberal, largest bleeding heart of them all


Some might say revealingly, it has not been explicitly ruled out at this time that Flurby Jim will become King.