The suicide note is believed to have been written on an International House Of Pancakes paper placemat as cited in Off. Levandowski's statement and a conversation between Grant and Courtney.

Below is a copy of the note Grant obtained which he believes explains Kurt's retirement from the entertainment business - "This decision that he had made was going to affect a lot of other people. He was no longer the money machine that he once was; now Cobain was worth more dead than he was alive."
This conclusion is just as plausible as the content is vague, ironically Kurt states, "This note should be pretty easy to understand". A note explaining the withdrawal from a current occupation/environment, i.e the music industry and possibly seperation from Courtney and Frances for a period, would logically follow the same methodology as a defined suicide note.

Some of the excerpts of the purported Rome note are entirely consistent with this possible scenario and in correlation with Gold Mountain's view of the Rome Incident in March 1994 - "A note was found, says a company spokesman, but Kurt insisted it wasn't a suicide note. He just took all of his and Courtney's money and was going to run away and disappear."

"I don’t want to have a long career if I have to put up with the same stuff that I’m putting up with... I would gladly give up music for my life. It’s more important." Nov. 14, 1993, NYT

Nikolas Hartshorne: 'Its content is proof of nothing.'
"Its irrelevant. I've read hundreds of thousands of suicide notes which have talked about everything from not cleaning the bathroom sink before they died to Aunt Agatha's cat. Everybody writes their own suicide note in their own manner."(VH1 Confidential)
Any note found next to a body can be construed as a suicide note; Although Hartshorne fails to address the variables of a pending divorce and situation within the industry.

A much better quality version of the so called "suicide" note was printed in the 23 July 1994 issue of New Musical Express. A scan of this particular note is available here

Please acknowledge the fact the black lines were directly due to the poor fax quality...

Transcript:

To Boddah: pronounced[?]

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community had proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.

Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.

Please keep going Courtney,
for Frances
For her life, which will be so much happier
without me. I love you, I love you
_______________________________________________________________________

Handwriting analysis experts believe the bulk of the note was written by Cobain but conclude "there are many indications that there may have been a second hand at work," in reference to the last four lines indicated in bold.

Marcel Matley – Handwriting Expert: "As to the last four lines, there are more than a dozen differences that should give us pause, and we would have to reasonable explain these differences before we can conclude that the same person wrote the four lines that wrote the body of it."

Sean O’ Donnell Media Relations Officer: "We did take the note from the scene, and have it examined at the Washington State Crime Lab, and their analyst has indicated
that it is her belief that this note was written by Mr. Cobain." (Unsolved Mysteries)

There is speculation of repression into further investigation by the superiors;
"The clincher for many of us was the note. Anybody who saw it thought it was strange. The handwriting changes at a very suspicious place." - Anonymous SPD source (WKKC?, p. 124)

Taken from Love & Death, Courtney had purportedly left a backpack at Rosemary Carroll's on the evening of April 6th. Carroll inevitable looked inside and discovered a piece of paper which appeared to have been used in the practice of handwriting styles - "On each line, the person has experimented with different forms of all the letters of the alphabet...On the top right side of the page, in a section marked 'combos,' the person has practiced writing two and three letter combinations...It sure looked to us as if she had been practicing how to forge a letter."
_________________________________________________________________________________

Observations:

Does it make sense that a suicide note apparently directed towards Courtney and Frances mentions them briefly in a third person perspective, and they are only spoken to directly in the controversial lower portion?

"Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern"
- Firstly, its important to comprehend the context of the statement, in that it suggests addressing a wider audience. Secondly, Kurt refers to his burning nauseous stomach; a publicised condition which Kurt suffered from. It was diagnosed in the summer of 1993; a pinched nerve relating to his scoliosis, and accordingly Kurt experienced what he called a "miracle". Does this infer the note was written sometime ago, or simply that Kurt's pain returned...? 

"Even if the additional lines were written by Cobain, they still might not constitute a suicide note... No matter how you cut it this note is not a suicidal note. You don't need to prove it was modified to demonstrate it's intent. Somebody dropped the note next to the body because it seemed maudlin enough and because something like a note needed to be provided in a hurry." - Hank Harrison

   
   
   
  • Tom Grant Audio Tapes
  
• Case Photographs
  • Case Documents
  
• Crime Scene
  
Timeline of Events
   
   
  • Television
  
• Radio
  
Books
  
• Newspaper










  
 Links
   
   
This site is best viewed at
1024x768...
Any queries/comments
please email me at -
webmaster@kurtcobaincase.com
  ...........