"The Simpsons" Written by STEVEN SCOTT (Steven.Scott@btinternet.com) From an origional idea by JAKE LENNINGTON (getjakeit@webtv.net) Notes : Character descriptions are required, although we're talking about actors here so they don't deviate much from the Springfieldians you know in appearance. The actors wear better clothes, may have differn't hairstyles and are a little thinner/fatter out of costume. At the party everyone is in costume so none of the following applys then. Also, the actors are still voiced by the usual actors, so Sam is voiced by Dan Castentella, but he has a slightly higher voice than Homer, as he lowers his voice when acting. There are similarities with the other actors. The personalities of the actors in this fanscript are not meant to reflect on the attitudes and opinions of the real Simpsons actors - I don't know what DC thinks, so I can't say I speak for him. SAM - Homer's actor is thinner, with very short shaved hair for the "bald wig" to fit over. GEANA - Edna Krabapple's actor wears her hair down to shoulder length. MIKE - Bart's actor is only seen at the party so he's only seen in costume, but he's dyed his hair pink. Anyway, on with the script. SCENE : ESTABLISHING, ELEMENTRY SCHOOL, AFTERNOON. A bell rings. Immeadiately a mass of KIDS charge out of the school, screaming. Once they're all gone the TEACHERS gather at the door, and shout for joy as loud as the kids. TEACHERS (SHOUT) SCHOOLS OUT! YAAAY! MRS KRABAPPLE (SHOUT) Don't come back till summer's through! CUT TO: THE SIMPSONS ENTRYWAY, LATER The door opens, and BART and LISA enter. BART (SHOUT)School's out for Summer! Yaaay! LISA Will you shut up!? You've been yelling that every two minutes since we left! I get the idea! BART Sorry, but I'm too euphoric! CUT TO: ESTABLISHING SNPP, LATER A horn sounds, and workers trudge wearily out of the plant. HOMER on the other hand runs from the plant. HOMER (SHOUT) Two weeks vacation starts here! Woohoo! SCENE : The TV Room. HOMER runs in, jumps on the couch and turns on the TV. BART enters. BART Hey Dad. HOMER (MUMBLE) TV. BART Uhh Dad, could you take me, Milhouse and Lewis to Duff Gardens on Monday? We want to go, but their parents can't take us. HOMER (MUMBLE) Sure-whatever-TV. BART Thanks Homer! Bart runs off. LISA enters, holding a newspaper. LISA Hey Dad! Look at this! She holds the paper in front of his face. HOMER (MUMBLE) Hey-newspaper-TV! She points at a headline. LISA Springfield University is holding a open day, with a science fair! Can you take me to it? HOMER (MUMBLE) Sure-science-TV. LISA Thanks dad! Lisa runs off. MARGE enters MARGE Homie, I need money for groceries. Homer gives his wallet to Marge. HOMER (MUMBLE) Money-TV. Marge grunts. FADE OUT SCENE : HOMER & MARGE'S ROOM, EARLY MORNING. At the bottom of the screen writing reads "Monday". HOMER and MARGE sleep in bed. BART slams open the door, runs in, and climbs onto the bed. BART Get up Dad! You're taking us to Duff Gardens today! MARGE (to HOMER)Your son is awake... HOMER (to MARGE)Before sunrise, he's *your* son. BART (EXCITED)Come on Homer! LISA runs in, excited, and climbs onto the bed. LISA Dad! Get up! It's the University science fair today! Bart laughs. BART Sorry Lis, but he already promised to take me to Duff Gardens today. LISA What!? He promised to take me to Springfield U! BART No he didn't! LISA Yes he did! BART Didn't! (shoves her) LISA Did! (shoves him back) HOMER (patronising) Kids Kids Kids! I'm sorry but I don't remember promising either of you! BART LISA WHAAAT?! WHAAAT?! But I want to go to But I want to go to Duff Gardens! The Science Fair! You promised! You promised! MARGE Kids! Get out of here while we think this over! Bart and Lisa leave, grumbling to themselves, and close the door. MARGE Did you promise the kids? HOMER I don't know! I was watching TV! By the way, before I forget, here's the grocery money... MARGE You already gave me it! HOMER (SARCASTIC) Then you're not getting any more. MARGE So where are we going? HOMER Hmmm... On reflection.... Duff Gardens, no question! MARGE And disappoint Lisa? HOMER Ahh, she'll get over it... MARGE No she won't! Homer, your relationship with your daughter is always on very rocky ground! I think you should use this holiday to try to mend it. And taking her to this science fair would be a good start. I'll take the boys to Duff Gardens. HOMER (grudgingly) Alright Marge, I'll take Lisa. MARGE'S BRAIN I'm going to Duff Gardens! CUT TO: FRONT LAWN - LATER Marge, Bart, MILHOUSE and LEWIS are in the car. Lisa and Homer stand on the lawn. MARGE I'll see you two tonight! Have fun! She drives off. HOMER LISA Bye Marge. Bye Mom. See you tonight. Lisa turns to Marge. LISA I must say I'm surprised that you weren't taking them to Duff Gardens... I didn't really think you'd be that interested in learning. HOMER C'mon Honey! Give you old man some credit! After all, learning is the vehicle that takes you down the road of life in style! LISA Wow Dad! That's really cute! How'd you think of that one? HOMER eh... I think it was on Richard Bey or something... SCENE : ESTABLISHING SPRINGFIELD UNIVERSITY - MIDDAY Grey clouds gather overhead as HOMER and LISA drive up to the front door. CUT TO: INSIDE SPRINGFIELD U Homer and Lisa have joined a tour group of assorted Springfieldians. PROF FRINK leads the group. Test tubes are on a table. FRINK Here, in microbiotic studies, we are doing research into DNA and cloning. We estimate that in 5 years our research will be sufficent enough to fully clone a Human being, nung-hey. HOMER (whine) FIVE YEARS? But I want an clone now! Lisa groans, Marge style. CUT TO : ANOTHER LAB Prof Frink and the tour group are here. A scientist uses a Virtual Reality suit, hooked up to a computer. FRINK Here we research combining Virtual Reality and the Internet, so in the future you could shake hands with an Egyptian without leaving your house. HOMER (motions at the virtual reality equipment) Can I have a go? FRINK No. The equipment is very expensive. HOMER (sadly) Oh. CUT TO : A CORRIDOOR Frink leads the party along a dull corridoor. HOMER's BRAIN Oh, this sucks! I wish I could have gone to Duff Gardens! CUT TO : THE SIMPSONS CAR MARGE drives, while BART, MILHOUSE and LEWIS misbehave on the back seat, throwing stuff about, giving each other dead arms and generally making a noise. Marge looks haggard as she drives. CUT TO : ONE FINAL LAB Frink blah-blah-blah tour party blah-blah-blah. Impressive looking machinery is in the background FRINK And here is our greatest achievement - the world's first working teleporter! The Frinkporter 90210 can transport matter from any position to another by the simple process of matter globalisation! I can't explain it because it's not yet patented, but it sure is clever, n'wee! Allow me to demonstrate! Safety goggles are handed out and everyone puts them over their eyes (Homer just puts his on his forehead). Frink places an orange on a platform in the corner of the room, pulls a lever and presses a button. A low hum sounds. He presses more buttons and an etheral blue cylnder of light surrounds the orange, which dissapears with the light after a second. A second or two pass, and the light appears on a platform in the center, quickly followed by the orange. Frink picks up the orange and peels it. FRINK Ta Da! LISA (awed) Wowww... HOMER This is the greatest non-Scottish invention ever... FRINK Any Questions? HOMER Does it work on poeple? FRINK We're not sure. Despite the massive payment we're offering to potential Ginuea-Pigs, no-one has been willing to volunteer for testing. HOMER Payment? How much is the payment? FRINK Due to the extreme danger involved in the process, no less than one thousand dollars. HOMER A grand to play in a teleporter? Professor, you have got yourself a volunteer! LISA (gasp) Dad! This looks dangerous! Maybe you shouldn't.. HOMER (interuppts) Lisa honey, if the orange made it, there's no danger to me. LISA How do you.. HOMER (interuppts again, how rude) Daddy's talking to the scientist honey. LISA Dad! HOMER Shhh. Lisa grunts angryly, and runs out the Lab. In the corridoor she finds a payphone, and phones home. CUT TO : THE SIMPSON HALLWAY. The phone rings, for several seconds, then the answerphone kicks in. RECORDING (HOMER) If you want money from "Happy Dude", "Sorry Dude" or "Mr Plow", they do not live here anymore. Otherwise, leave a message. LISA (O.S.) Mom, when you get back from Duff Gardens, get over to the university! Dad just volunteered for an experiment and I can't get him to change his mind! CUT TO : DUFF GARDENS Bart, Milhouse and Lewis run around like headless chickens. Marge talks to a RIDE OPERATOR (a generic middle aged man) MARGE What do you mean the rides are closing early?! We just got here! OPEARATOR Storms coming in, and it's getting windy. You don't want the cars getting blown off the track, do you? Marge "Hmmm's". CUT TO : BACK AT THE LAB Frink and Homer sit at a table. FRINK Before we can do this Mr Simpson, we need you to read and sign these forms. He hands Homer the forms. FRINK They just verify that you did *volunteer* for this, and remove any responsibility from the university in the event of.. Homer hands the forms back. FRINK (surprised) Well, I guess you got the gist, nung hey! CUT TO : THE SIMPSONS DRIVEWAY Marge's car pulls up the driveway. By now the storm has come, it's blowing a gale and pouring with rain. Thunder booms in the distance. CUT TO : THE SIMPSONS HALLWAY Marge and Bart enter, soaking wet. Bart goes into the TV room, while Marge presses the button on the answerphone. Lisa's message plays. CUT TO : OUTSIDE SPRINGFIELD U. Marge's car pulls up to the university. Lightening strikes a lightning conducter on the top of one of the buildings. CUT TO : THE LAB Homer stands in his underwear on the corner panel, waiting expectantly. A camera is rested on his right shoulder to record his journey. Frink and some GENERIC TEENAGERS are behind the consoles. Frink pulls his lever and pushes the button. The low hum begins. The lab door bursts open, and Marge steps in. MARGE (SHOUTS) Homer! No! Frink presses the button. The blue light appears, and moments later Homer is gone. MARGE AAAAggggh! What have you done to my husband!?! FRINK (calmly) Don't worry, he'll be back... CUT TO : WEIRD TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE Homer is teleported. I don't know what it's like, just let the animators go nuts... CUT TO : OUTSIDE SPRINGFIELD U Lightning strikes the science building. CUT TO : THE LAB On a control panel, something explodes. GENERIC TEEN Professor! The globalisation desproglifiars have been overloaded! FRINK What? We could lose him because of inter-dimensional influence! How long till it's fixed? TEEN Should take 3 minuites! FRINK We've only got one! TEEN I'll try! MARGE What's going on? Someone tell me what this means! Lisa whispers in her ear. Marge cringes. CUT TO : THE TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE Same as before, but much faster, and Homer is now falling... CUT TO : THE LAB The generic teen jams new parts into the console, and the entire process stops. Homer re-materialises on the corner platform (if you weren't paying attention, that's where he started) and collapses into a heap. MUSIC : DAH DAH DAHHH! MUSIC FADE OUT - END OF ACT 1 FADE BACK IN - ACT 2 SCENE : THE TELEPORTER LAB HOMER is slumped on the platform. MARGE, FRINK, BART, LISA and THE GENERIC TEENS are behind the console. Marge clambers over the console and runs to Homer. MARGE Homer! She grabs him, but he folds in her arms! MARGE Arrrgh! (drops him) He's dead! Lisa runs over to Homer's limp body. She puts her ear over his mouth (test for breathing). LISA No! He's alive! He's still breathing. She puts her ear on his chest. (SFX : HEARTBEAT) LISA And his hearts still beating! BART So he's just unconcious? FRINK (to a GENERIC TEEN) Donald! Go phone 911! DONALD runs off. Frink walks over to Homer. He removes the camera and takes the videotape out. FRINK We'd better find out what happened to him in there. He puts the tape in a video player, and Bart and Lisa come over to watch (Marge stays with Homer) Camera shows the TV screen. The usual date/time/recording info is in the top right. (exact time and date of broadcast) We see the teleportation sequence. (note:animators remember that we CAN'T SEE HOMER!) Suddenly the entire scene jolts and speeds up. After a few seconds the scene jolts again and the camera starts travelling backwards. It tilts down, and we see Homer fall away from the camera (sans camera & underwear, FACE DOWN PLEASE!). BART (O.S.) Wait a minute... He pauses the video, and jumps in front of the TV, pointing at the Homer on TV. BART The camera came back with Homer! They were never seperated! LISA Unless Dad was split up somehow... FRINK He travelled in the Z direction... BART Eh? FRINK (He makes explanatory hand gestures throughout) The Frinkporter works by specifying an angle to the platform base, then giving X and Y directions, they being the distance forward and sideways to travel along this angle in warpspace. The angle is needed to control the eventual height of the subject when it re-appears, because we found that when we tried to specify an Z direction the objects never re-appeared, nung-hey. When we suddenly reversed the direction of travel by aborting the experiment, the sudden change wrenched him in two. Body and Soul, n'hey. The soul was not held within the directional field and fell down the Z-axis to some unknown point... CUT TO : AN APARTMENT It is sparsely, though expensively, furnished, with a huge hi-fi system, leather chairs, a massive TV and other batchelor status symbols. There is a double bed in the bedroom, (despite the fact this is a batchelor pad) on which lies a man who looks like Homer, except he isn't as fat, and isn't bald, and he wears expensive designer clothes. He has also been sleeping in them. He wakes. SAM Eugggg, gooood! What was I doing last night to get this headache? (Looks at his hand, which still contains a bottle from the previous night) Oh. Now I remember. He gets out of bed, and goes to the kitchen. He picks out 2 slices of bread, spreads peanut butter on them, and tops each with salted potato chips, ketchup and frosted flakes. Going into his living room he turns on the TV and stares blankly at it for several seconds. A phone rings, and he picks it up. SAM (HOMER) Yello. STEWART Samuel! Do you think you might have been on time for the last day of filming? SAM (startled) Stew! Oh God, i thought it was a holiday or something... (looks at the sandwich, lifts up the top slice) (TO SELF) What the hell is this..? STEWART Sorry Sam? SAM (startled again) Oh sorry, just talking to my sandwich... I'll get down right away. He hangs up, takes another long look at the sandwich, puts it down and goes into his bedroom. CUT TO : THE LAB Frink, Bart, Lisa, Marge, Homer's body and the Generic teens are here. MARGE But his soul must be here, because he's still alive. FRINK There's a difference between being alive and being sentient. A plant is alive but operates solely on instinct. His soul, or "Frinkian center of sentience" to give it's proper scientific name, is gone, having travelled to an unknown point via the Z-Axis. Luckily, for the first time we can trace the path and eventual exit point due to the data contained within the recording device. (motions at the camera) (TO GENERIC TEEN) Gordon! What was the vector taken by Mr Simpson? Gordon works at his computer for a second. GORDON Ahhh, i 678, j 17, k -105, angle equals 90. FRINK So all we have to do is send a volunteer as soon as possible to 678, 17, -105, 90 to retrive Mr Simpson, nehey. MARGE But where will you get a volunteer? FRINK Oh usually we just con some idio... Uhh... I mean, uh, I don't know... AMBULANCEMEN enter, put Homer on a strecher, and leave. Marge and Lisa follow them. Bart stays, staring at the Frinkporter. FRINK Ahh, you should go with your Mother... BART Send me Prof. FRINK Ahh gee, I shouldn't.. It's already proved too risky for an adult, never mind a child... BART But you said we had to get him back as soon as possible, and I want to try! Frink looks at the floor. BART I volunteer for your experiment, and I'll do it for free. Frink brightens up. FRINK Well I'm not one to pass up an offer like that, N'hey! (picks something up off a table) With hindsight I probably should have given this to your father, but this experiment was so routine it slipped my mind. It's a tracker that will enable us to keep locked onto you wherever you end up. There's an extra one for Mr Simpson. He gives Bart two stopwatch sized devices on string. Bart hangs them round his neck. FRINK Give one to your dad and get him to press the red button three times in quick succession. We'll teleport him home then. Same goes for you when you want to return. Now there's no time to waste! Are you ready! BART Aye sir! He runs onto the corner platform. FRINK Because of his uncontrolled descent, your Father will probably have sought out the life form genetically closest to him. If you find that individual and get Homer to take dominant control of the body, then we can seperate them in warpspace. Right - lets go. He presses the buttons and pulls the lever that start the process. The low hum starts. Just as he presses the final buttons, Marge comes round the door. MARGE Bart, will you come along...(See's Bart in the teleporter) Arrrgh! (passes out) Lisa comes round the door and see's Marge collapse. LISA MOM! (sees Bart)...Bart? BART Tell mom not to worry! I'll get Hom... He disappears. Cue stunned silence. LISA (TO FRINK) Did it work? FRINK (CALM) He didn't come back, did he? SCENE : THE TELEPORTING SCENE BART yadda-yadda teleported. CUT TO : SAM'S BEDROOM SAM has gone to the studio, and the apartment is deserted. A bang is heard, and Bart suddenly appears over his bed and falls face first onto it. It is early evening. BART Well at least I landed on something soft. He rubs his eyes, and looks around at the expensive-looking surroundings. BART This cannot be where Homer lives. He goes through to the living room, looking at the pics on the walls. One is of Homer with his arm around Mrs Krabapple. Another is Homer with Kesley Grammer. A third is Homer at a dinner table with Superintendant Chalmers, Otto and Moe. Bart finds a photograph on a cupboard - it's a picture of Homer with somebody's arm round him, but the picture is torn so you can't see who else is there. Bart spots a wastepaper bin, rummages in it for a second and finds the other half, putting them together he sees that it's Principal Skinner, Maude Flanders and Homer. Maude is laughing. He holds on to the photo. Bart opens the cupboard, and looks inside - there's a pile of ring-bound papers. He pulls three off the top and looks at the covers. BART (reads) 4F10. Mountain of Madness. What the..? (he looks at the next) 3F22. Summer of four foot two? (thinks) That title makes no sense... (looks at next) 2F11. (he gasps) Bart's Comet?! He opens the script at a random page. BART (HOMER) "What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet - big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere and what ever's left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head. (BART) Wow dad, maybe you're right! (HOMER) Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow. (BART) Everyone groans." Aye Carumba! I remember this! What the hell is it doing in a TV script?.... aha... He looks at the front page - the FOX and Simpsons logos are printed at the top. BART Here, we're a TV show! (looks at the photos) These guys are actors! This is so cool! I'm finally famous! He picks up the "Mountain of Madness" script, opens it and reads it for a second. Then he bursts out laughing. BART Ho Hoo! I wish I'd been in that cabin! He looks at the back of the torn photo - "Me, Sarah and Jules at his 37th" is written on the back. He points at Homer. BART So this guy isn't really Homer, he's some other actor guy...(snaps his fingers and flicks to the start of the script) - Sam Currie... So he's probably the guy Homer is in. (SFX:DOOR BEING UNLOCKED) Bart gasps. The front door opens and SAM enters, followed by GEANA (Mrs Krabapple) GEANA It's weird, knowing it's all ending, isn't it? I mean, when you've worked on the same project for 12 years... SAM Yeah, I know. The scarey part is, I can see a future of endorsing pork rinds opening up in front of me...(sees Bart) Michael? What are you doing here... GEANA Oh Mike, you didn't run away again, did you? BART What? GEANA From your Dad? Look, I know he pushed you into this, but he's just got your best interests at heart! BART'S BRAIN They think you're the actor! Quick, play along! BART I uh, please don't make me go back tonight! Can I stay the night here? SAM I don't know, I should really... BART Please! SAM I'm going out tonight! BART I can look after myself! Please! Sam looks at Bart, who is pretending he's about to cry. SAM Oh alright! But this is the last time! Now we're going out! He goes into his bedroom. SCENE - SAM'S APARTMENT - LATER BART lies on the sofa. SAM enters, dressed to go out. SAM Hey! Get your feet off my couch! Bart gets his feet off Mike's couch! SAM Right, I'm going out. I'll be back late, so I asked the receptionist to check in on you at half nine. Be in bed by then, O.K? (SFX:Doorbell) SAM That'll be Geana. Remember! Half nine! Sam leaves. BART Ha! Sucker. Now lets see what this world is like... He turns on the TV. It's an entertainment show. A woman presents it. CUT TO : TV PICTURE PRESENTER The big news, of course, is the final episode of the long running sit-com, "The Simpsons" airing tomorrow. It's hard to belive that it's been going for *twelve years* and won what seems like hundereds of Emmys, but after all this time the producers have decided to finally call it a day. CUT TO : OUTSIDE SIMPSONS BUILDING The show cuts to a reporter standing outside the Simpsons building. (in case you don't know, the outside walls of the main offices for the Simpsons are painted with a picture of all the characters from the show - it looks like the cover of Songs in the Key of Springfield) REPORTER Twelve years ago struggling comedy writer Matt Groening hit on a goldmine - writing a series of sketches for the Tracey Ullman Show about a family struggling to get along. The sketches were soon so popular that they soon outgrew the Ullman show and spawned a series of their own. From there you know the story - fabulous success and adulation the world over, even to the extent of having this wonderful artwork painted on their offices by award winning artist Jean LaCort. (motions at painting) But after ten seasons and over 220 episodes the show is ending, and going out with a bang. FOX remains tight-lipped about the plot of the finale, but rumours indicate that all the characters have a major part to play in what will surely be an epic tale. The show cuts back to the studio. PRESENTER Of course, part of the Simpsons success can surely be because of the huge array of guest stars that have appeared over the years. We contacted some to find out their reactions to the end of the series. CUT TO : KESLEY GRAMMER IN A CHAIR GRAMMER I remember the first time they showed me the Sideshow Bob costume - I nearly died, because it was just a grass skirt and fake, overlarge feet! I just stood there wondering "What on earth is this?" Luckily, when Bob returned in later episodes they never asked me to wear it again. Though they did insist on the wig. (grin) CUT TO : ARNOLD SWARTZANEGER AT AN AIRPORT ARNIE Ya, I owe a lot to "The Simpsons", as it was parodying myself as Rainer Wolfcastle that made me want to go into comedy. CUT TO : SAM'S LIVING ROOM Bart sits on his couch. BART Well, there's one reason to kill that Grayning guy. CUT TO : BACK TO THE TV PRESENTER Of course, all the cast and crew of the show are attending the farewell party taking place while the hour-long special airs. Apparantly all the cast members have struck a deal with each other - they must all appear in costume! SCENE - A BAR SAM and GEANA sit at a table, Mike hunched over his drinks. He's had a few all right. GEANA Sam, are you all right? Normally you wouldn't touch that "cheap crap" (motions at beer bottles, which all have "Duff" written on them) but you've had a few too many tonight. SAM Why have we bothered Geana? GEANA What? SAM With this...thing...for the past twelve years? GEANA You mean the show? SAM Yeh, the sho. What good has it done? Why did we do it? GEANA I guess because they gave us money... SAM Ha! It's given us money, but it's taken away a helluva lot too. All the importamt stuff. I mean, looka that kid Mike - runs away from his Dad once a month coz he dont want to be a public guy, he wants to have a real life. He's got money, but he's never happy, and he probably never will be now. I've got money, but I'll never be as well... He slumps onto the table. GEANA You're thinking of her again, aren't you? Sam makes a nodding movement. GEANA (uneasy) You've got to face it, she's happy with Jules. (hopeful) I'm sure you'll find someone else... Sam makes a shaking head movement. Geana looks downcast. CUT TO : SAM'S APARTMENT BART lies on the couch, watching TV. It is very late. (SFX : Key unlocking door) BART (tiredly glances at watch) Uh Oh. Sam enters, drunken. He is holding a bottle. SAM Mike? You still up? Bloody receptionist. I'm goin to bed. He stops halfway into his bedroom. SAM Lemmie give you some advice. After tomorrow, get the hell out of showbusiness. He goes into his room, and shuts the door. Bart turns off the TV, and tries to sleep on the couch FADE OUT END OF ACT 2 ACT 3 (SFX : Doorbell, rings 3 times) FADE IN SCENE - SAM'S APARTMENT BART lies on the couch. He moans, gets up, and answers the door. SAM SENIOR is there, dressed as Krusty The Klown. SAM SENIOR Hey Mike, what are you doing here? Is that lazy son of mine up yet? BART Why, uh, (looks at watch) 1:30?! SAM SENIOR Typical, he was up late on a bender, eh? Sam Senior goes through to SAM's room. SAM SENIOR (O.S.) Get up you lazy bum! Honestly, I used to be headlining shows that started before this time! SAM (O.S.) Ohhhh, Daaad.... SAM comes through from his room, and walks over to Bart. SAM (WHISPER) Did You Let Him In? BART Aaah, well.. SAM SENIOR I came round to make sure you got up in time to get ready. You know how long it takes to cover up the edges of this wig. (He holds out a "Homer's bald head" wig, which Sam takes) SAM Oh, I hate this thing. Tomorrow I'm growing my hair long. SAM SENIOR Your unusually grouchy today, even for someone with a hangover. SAM Yeah, well you're as pushy as ever. He goes into his room. CUT TO : THE PARTY - LATER (From now on all actors are in costume, so I'll just refer to non-principal characters by their character's name) The party is in full swing - almost everyone is here. Sam arrives with Krusty and Bart. SAM Why the hell did we all agree to come in costume? (scratches his wig) KRUSTY Because everyone else was doing it. SAM (HOMER)Stupid bandwagon. The camera cuts across the party to BARNEY, MOE and GROUNDSKEEPER WILLY. Willy speaks with a Canadian accent (c.f James Doohan) MOE So Marc, you got any jobs lined up for after this party? WILLY/MARC My agent got me a part in the pilot of the new Star Trek series. They need a Klingon revolutionary, (proud)and the producer said I had a face perfect for the part. Moe and Barney do a take. BARNEY You do know what Klingons look like, don't you? WILLY Yeah, they're the ones with the pointy ears, right? MOE Naw, they're the ones with the knobbly foreheads. Willy does a take. WILLY Give me your cellular! I need to make a call! The camera cuts further across the party to MILHOUSE and RALPH, who sneak up to the drinks and attempt to swipe a few, but are caught by HERMAN (who has a second arm under his jacket) The camera cuts across the party again, to MIKE(Bart's actor), sulking in the corner. His hair is dyed pink. GEANA walks up to him. GEANA Mike! What the hell have you done to your hair? MIKE (cold) Insurance. GEANA What? Against what? MIKE Against getting any more acting parts or bloody merchandising. And no more jerks quoting Bart's catchphrases at me. I've had enough "Eat my shorts" and "Aye Carumba" to send me crazy! I hate it when people do that! He turns away from her. She shrugs her shoulders and walks away from him. The camera cuts across the party to Sam, JULES (Skinner) and SARAH (Maude Flanders) Jules has his arm round Sarah. JULES Hi Sam. How are you? SAM (coldly) I'm fine. Thank you for asking. (goes to wallk away) SARAH Do you have any jobs left for after the series ends? SAM No. Nobody wants to hire a famous ex-slob. They're afraid everyone will always associate me with Homer Simpson. JULES Ah well, you made enough money from it to last you anyway. SAM (glances at Sarah) Maybe, but I didn't get anything worthwhile. The walks away from the couple and makes his way through the party. Geana catches him up. GEANA Did you let Mike dye his hair? SAM What? Mike's hair isn't dyed. GEANA He's sitting over there with his hair dyed bright pink! SAM Let me see! Geana leads Sam over to Mike, keeping at a short distance from the sullen boy. (sits head down, arms folded) SAM Bloody hell! How did that happen? He had blonde hair when i brought him here! GEANA You sure? SAM I know the differnce between blonde and pink! Bart (the non-actor)walks up to Sam. SAM It's the differnce between this (motions at Bart's hair) and that! (motions at Mike, then does a double take) GEANA (to Bart) Mike? SAM (to Mike) Mike? MIKE What?! (sees Bart and gasps) Who'r you? BART I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you? MIKE Aggh! Stop quoting me! Mike runs at Bart, who yells and runs away. Geana whips out her camera and takes a photo. SAM (twitches) Two Mikes? What the hell is going on? CUT TO : SAM'S VIEW He watches Mike chase Bart around. As the camera pans around following them, Sam's vision is distorted and he hallucinates. He sees APU, standing behind the buffet table, but the table turns into a counter and a squishee machine materialises behind him. He sees Willy, in whose hand appears a rake and under whose feet grass suddenly appears. A garden fence springs up in front of FLANDERS, a bar stool shoots up under Barney and he sits on it in front of the bar that appears before Moe. CUT TO : CLOSE UP OF SAM SAM'S BRAIN This is madness! What the hell is going on? I'm so confused, I need to take a rest (Sam's body slumps briefly, before Homer manages to take over) HOMER Woo Hoo! (sees Bart) Hey Boy! Over here! Get me out of here before this guy regains conciousness! Bart runs over to Homer and tosses him a locator. BART (SHOUTS) Press the button three times! Homer does so. CUT TO : FRINKS LAB FRINK, MARGE, LISA and the GENERIC TEENS are here. Frink appears to have been badly beaten up by someone. HOMER'S BODY is in the centre platform. FRINK That's our cue. He presses a button. CUT TO : THE PARTY Everyone is here who was here last time. HOMER (impatient) Oh, it didn't wor... He disappears in a flash of special effects. Everyone gasps. CUT TO : THE TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE SAM'S BODY flies along the route, faster than normal. CUT TO : THE LAB LISA He's at maximum velocity! FRINK Reverse the sub-dimensional gain! He pulls a lever from one extreme to the other CUT TO : THE TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE Sam skids to a sudden halt, and HOMER's SOUL comes flying out of him. Sam starts accellerating in the opposite direction. Homer falls downward. HOMER Arrrgh! Not again! CUT TO : THE LAB LISA Quick! Get a field on him! CUT TO : THE TELEPORTATION SEQUENCE Homer stops falling, and starts moving sideways. FADE TO WHITE CUT TO : HOMER'S VIEW - IN FRINK'S LAB FADE BACK FROM WHITE He sees Marge standing over him. MARGE He's back! CUT TO : THE PARTY Sam reappears, and collapses on the floor. Bart runs past, still being chased by Mike. BART'S BRAIN He's back. That means they can pick me up now! He pulls the locator out from round his neck, and presses the button three times. Moments later he disappears in a flash of special effects, just as Mike is about to catch him. Meanwhile, Sam has woken up. GEANA What happened? SAM I'm not entirely sure... CUT TO : FRINK'S LAB Frink, Lisa and the generic teens are behind the console. Homer sits on a chair, Marge beside him. FRINK And here he comes. Bart materialises on the central platform. Marge runs over to him and picks him up. MARGE Oh, my special little guy! I'm so glad your home! (to Frink) And you should be glad he got home as well Professor... Rubbing his bruises, Frink hides behind one of the generic teens. MARGE Don't ever do anything like that again Bart! BART O.K. Mom. How's Homer? LISA He seems to have ammnesia. All he remembers is stepping onto the pad the first time he was teleported. That final jerk in warpspace must have caused it. But physically he's fine. Well enough to take us to Duff Gardens tomorrow hopefully. HOMER Wait, I thought you didn't want to go to Duff Gardens! LISA Well, the science fair is finished! Besides, (sly) I belive you owe it to Bart for saving your life. HOMER (stands up) Alright, I'll take Bart to Duff Gardens. But you had your chance on Monday to go and you rejected it! Your mother's taking you to the museum! Marge and Lisa groan. SCENE - SAM'S APARTMENT'S BALCONY, EVENING SAM and GEANA sit round a table. Sam holds a photo of the two Bart's. SAM I still don't know about this photo, or it's significance. GEANA Don't worry about it. I think it's a good omen. SAM How so? GEANA Maybe it says that The Simpsons has touched so many lives in so many ways. Maybe we didn't waste our time, and we created something more than a TV show. Maybe somewhere, just somewhere it could all just exist. She reaches across the table and takes his hand. Sam is surprised at first, but then looks at her face, and after a second smiles, suddenly happy (for the first time in the script). He gazes straight at her. SAM Yeah, maybe somewhere... The camera pans upwards, towards the stars. After a second it pans down again showing the Simpsons house at night. CUT TO: THE DINING ROOM The family sit round the table, eating the evening meal.Slowly the camera pans across the screen to each one of the family members and stops on Homer. Warm, relaxing music plays. There is no sound, just their lips are moving and everyone is smiling and having a good time around the table. The camera switches to the outside of the home and pulls back. Another night has come to a close. THE END