Steam, clean, scrub-a-dub-dub! This may sound like harmless fun, but having a Turkish bath involved a lot more than we anticipated.

After being electronically tagged we were militantly ordered to "strip off" in communal changing rooms, and then marched down many marble staircases to a clinical waiting area. Still completely unaware of our fate, we huddled 90% naked next to complete strangers, trembling like lambs to the slaughter. Brrrr!

We were not reassured by people returning from behind some white screens. They seemed unable to talk, let alone walk, having to be escorted back to their seats by Turkish men in tiny sarongs.
What could be behind those white screens…?

As it happened, absolutely nothing…… But a small brown door.

Confusion ensued upon a barked Turkish command. Our time had come. The door opened.

"I don't want to go" screamed one, but we ventured forth in the name of Forward Glamour.

The mist cleared, and we found ourselves in an impressive, very hot bath-house with a high domed roof. However, the perimeter seating was completely clad in marble, surrounding a central slab which looked rather too much like a butchers' block. Especially with all the quivering flesh heaped on top.

Left on our own for an age, we were concerned by the very real possibility of passing out. However, it wasn't long before domineering men chucked buckets of cold water over us and vigorously sloughed off a great quantity of our skin cells.

Led down on the marble slab, we were gorgeously covered with pillowcases of bubbles. But before one got too relaxed, the slightly S&M tone returned - suddenly our swimsuits were secure no longer, and  some serious manipulation of the body got underway. While Emily was apparently as supple as an elastic band, many a disturbing 'crunch' and 'crack' emanated from Daniel. Ooh!

Now - while fake tan develops in an hour, it's important to prime your skin to maximise your real tan potential - and a Turkish bath is the ultimate in pre-tan prep. But, after four days of careful tannage, we were still as white as lilies. Hmmm. Did it work? Was it just a bit of 'slap and tickle?'

It's an experience, just go with the flow dahlings.