ALL NEW THOUGHTS FROM THE FG TROOPERS!

Grapes.
FG research has prompted us to consider….Why do red ones go green in the freezer? Therefore, is red wine actually white wine? Could this be a conspiracy? Are we unknowingly fighting heart disease with our Arniston Bay?

Toilet Doors.
Always opening inwards forcing one to make contact with the bowl as one struggles to manoeuvre into/out of position. COULD THIS BE a conspiracy? A secret plan to spread infection? Solution: leave the door open... or clench.

Hospital Gowns.
Why has no-one noticed that they have been designed to create criminal offences at the bend of a knee? Surely a conspiracy to keep pulses racing.

Cher.
Yes, we are thinking about her, and her retirement. Perhaps a conspiracy to cripple the music industry?

Conspiracies.
For goodness sake, get over it. People who waste their time on such matters really do need to consider the bigger picture.

Clocks.
Forwards? Backwards? Just leave them where they are! It's confusing enough as it is. All those numbers. Or are they numerals? 24 hours? 12 hours? Jerky second hands! Smooth second hands! What an effort we make every day. BRING BACK THE SUNDIAL! Dark: sleep. Light: awake. It's not that difficult!

Cacti.
When exactly does one water them? Little and often, or monsoon-style after six months of drought? Do they drink at all? If anyone knows, please tell us, replacements are expensive.