Victuallers Pantoscripts: Peter Pantomime - SCENE ONE of a modern village Pantomime

This small section was the basis for a production by Blair Russell as a drama project at Shalom Catholic College in Old Australia.
Blair and his cast all got A's. It was staged by
SHADDO (Shiplake and Dunsden Drama Organisation - near Henley on Thames) in January 2003 with Liz James & Liz Thomas as Directors (Their 3rd Victuallers Panto!)

Please note that Peter Pan is copyright to Great Ormond Street Hospital - whichever Peter Pan script you choose then you need to investigate the rights. New for 2004 was Pinocchio, New for this year is a Western!

You can now buy this on-line by adding it to your basket, paying ten pounds, and then the script will be mailed to you within seven days.

 

 

Stage Directions

The Pantomime was designed for a small village. We have changed the name in this script to be "village". The script is available from victuallers@pantoscripts.org.uk or Victuallers c/o Weston on Trent Village Hall, Main Street, Weston on Trent, Derbyshire. The script can be modified and the music, computer graphics and flying tips are available. Other scripts are also available.

Video

 HOME PAGE

The Darlings house has a false window.(DONE WITH VIDEO PROJECTED ONTO THE WALL) Through the window we can see the papers being delivered (Actress doing principal boy), and the Darlings travelling in and out. During this the credits come up for the main characters.

Voice

Lighting person

Indulgent twee voice

Hugh and May Darling live in a small village in an executive cottage on the green, beside the pinfold... with Nana and their three children Wendy, Michael and John.

It's a Sunday evening and Mrs. Darling is just putting the finishing touches to organising the Darling's home.

Over the road, Quizgo is just going into the middle round.

 

 The Weston Song

"Village" is the place that we would rather drink in

Its so nice to be where all your friends are drinking

Drinking hard and happy and some Quizgo as well

Beer it is so magical, closing time is tragical

"Village" is the place that we would rather drink in

Its so nice to be where all your friends are drinking

Drinking hard and happy and some Quizgo as well

The Old Pub is the best place to be

The start of this song is recognised and we do our best to encourage the audience to clap the start of this song.

 

On Stage

Mrs. Darling. Nana is just visible. The children are in their bedroom. Peter and Tinkerbell are on stage but hidden. Various pub characters are just off stage. Tinkerbell has a PDA (handheld computer) in her pocket.

 

May

Mrs. Darling is finishing dressing (e.g. coat, finding handbag etc) whilst pacing around, looking at watch and checking the window and the door. (i.e. some one is very late and she is annoyed). She mutters to herself emphasising that the person she is waiting for is called Hugh. The scene is half lit; finally Mrs. Darling exasperated pulls out her mobile and phones.

The phone on the wall by the fire exit rings

Hugh was meant to be home hours ago... etccomments about Quizgo and sport. (Quizgo is the game played in the pub - change to dominoes?)

(

Panto Person (Musician or Tech Crew)

Stops what they were pretending to do. Mildly curses and wanders over to pick up the phone. (As if the phone ringing was not in the script)

May

 

Is that Hugh Darling?

Panto Person

Grins at audience

Yes, its me Darling

May

 

Who's Speaking?

Panto Person

 

"Bryan Dawson" (or whatever the person's name is).... .....Darling

May

 

I'm looking for Hugh Darling

Panto Person

 

You're looking for me darling

May

 

No not you,... Hugh

Panto Person

 

Who Darling

May

 

Yes, Hugh Darling

Panto Person

 

What me? Darling

May

Peeved

No not "you darling", but "Hugh Darling"

Panto Person

 

Yeah, me darling

May

Annoyed

No - Hugh - Aitch - You - Gee - Aitch. My so called husband Mr. Hugh Darling

Panto Person

Keeps sharing with audience

Oh Sorry! - I'll find him. Just hold the line.

Panto Person

Puts head through pub doors as Man1 comes out in a bright suit - somewhat over dressed.

I want Hugh Darling

Man1

Slaps Panto Person and walks off in a huff

Panto Person

Recovers

Can I have Hugh, Darling?

Woman1

Woman comes out in a "provocative /tarty" outfit

You can have me Darling!

$ Claude

Claude comes out of the pub. Claude is dressed in 70's Marks & Sparks, national health specs and acne. He has a Plough waistcoat and badge

 

Panto Person

Woman1 and Panto Person disappear together linked arm in arm... Panto Person turns round to Claude and says

Hey, there's a woman on the phone who wants Hugh Darling

$ Claude

Points to himself, looks at audience and indicates that his dreams have come true. He then picks up the phone and in his best seductive voice says

You want me darling?

(

May

 

Is that you darling?

$ Claude

Reveals teeth, and moves glasses to nose.

Yes, it's me, Claude ... Claude Bottom, Darling. I understand you "want" me

May

 

No - No - No I don't want you. I want Hugh. Mr. Hugh, Aitch - You - Gee - Aitch - Huugh Darling. Mr. Hugh Darling

$ Claude

Disconsolate - his dreams have not come true

Ohhhh Sorry.

$ Claude

Shouts through door

Telephone for Hugh Darling

Hugh Darling

Comes out through door

 

Voice in pub

Over sound of singing?

Pardon

$ Claude

Shouting

I'm looking for Hugh Darling!

 

Arms come out from inside pub and pull him in. Claude looks over shoulder and grins. Hugh darling laughs as he realises what is happening.

 

Hugh

 

Yess!

May

 

Where are you? I only came home to baby sit for our children for one hour whilst you went to an urgent business meeting. You were meant to be back three hours ago. You know I am taking my American clients to see us record the programme tonight

Hugh

 

I'll be there in 30 minutes

May

 

You'll be here in 5 minutes or the children can look after themselves. It's not as if Nana is here. You know she goes out "walkies" at this time.

Hugh

 

Isn't Nana home yet?

May

Looks round, Nana is just visible to audience, but not easily visible by Mrs. D

Oh all right I see she is home now but she's asleep on your sofa. She'll not move again tonight. I'm leaving now. You better be home in 4 minutes. I'll see you again late Wednesday as I will be in London till then. I'll phone at the weekend if a further diary change effects Wednesday

Hugh

 

OK, I'll be home ...

May

Slams down phone

 

Hugh

Brings sheet out, and exits thro pub door

....as soon as I have finished my Quizgo sheet

Can you repeat the last question please Sandra?

May

Moves to shout upstairs. As each name is called the children show their faces.

Wendy

Michael

John

I have to go now. Your father says he'll be home in (looks at watch) 2 minutes. Nana is downstairs so she will guard you until he arrives.

You'll be good won't you John?

Look after them Wendy.

Bye!

Children

 

Bye Mom, Bye, See ya!

May

Picks up mobile and starts talking. Whilst she does this she gathers together an overnight bag.

Agnes, I have been delayed, can you please pass on my apologies to the American clients. You will have to stay on late. I need the Account 32 presentation e mailing to Birmingham. Catch the office there and get them to print it out in landscape mode. I also need my blue suit picking up from the cleaners and dropped at the company flat......yes ... tonight! ..... I must have it tomorrow. Oh Yes ..I think it is one of the children's birthdays next week .... Send them a card and a thoughtful present..............I've no idea which one.....It's all on file... use your initiative!

 

Mrs D leaves. The focus now moves to the children. They wait whilst they hear a sports car start and pull off. Then they jump out of bed and switch on the TV, the stereo and the Computer.

 

Michael

 

It's my turn to use the computer!

John

 

Can't we watch the game ... it's the Redskins versus the Pirates

Michael

Switches off stereo

No you always have it too loud. Dad says we can't use the TV and the computer at the same time.

John

Mockingly

Dad says.... Dad says .... Who cares...Dad won't be home for hours...and he'll go straight to bed anyway.

Wendy

Switches off TV

Now, stop it you two, John is right, we can't use both at once. We had the television last time, lets look at the Internet

Michael

 

I want to do it, I want to do it.

Wendy

Patronising.

If you let me use it then I will show you my favourite web site

John

 

I'd rather watch the Redskins and the Pirates

Wendy

She opens up the "Village" on Trent Web Site

My web site can tell you all about the Redskins and the Pirates. I can find secret things look watch this.

Michael

 

Boring!

( John,

On the Screen are a number of buttons for the youth club, the school, the PTFA, the village vine

This is just some scummy village site!

Secret things, ....What's secret about those?

Wendy

 

Ah, look .... As I move the mouse to make the computers pointer thing (it's called a cursor, Michael) go over these little pictures the shape of the cursor changes. When I move it over the plain bit it doesn't change but when I move it to a button it does.

John

Disparaging

Well aren't we getting to be a babe of "the net"... you really know how to "surf" don't you. Even Michael knows that the cursor changes when you move over a button.

Wendy

She moves the cursor over a blank area and the cursor changes! (and a button appears?)

OK then clever clogs watch this!

John

 

A hidden link!

Michael

 

Click it then , go on, go clicky. Clicky

Wendy

 

OK

 

Wendy clicks the hidden link and a screen appears with "West O'Neverland" on it and a picture of a pan. The screen asks for the secret password. Band need to play atmospheric music 

Michael

 

Brilliant, but where do we get the secret password, clever clogs

Wendy

 

I've only got this far before, but I was hoping you might be able to think of something....it might be something to do with the village or Never or Land or Saucepan

nana

. Noises of Nana making growling noises downstairs 

Michael

 

Oww I can hear Nana!

Wendy

 

Shh, I can hear her coming upstairs.

John

 

Pretend we're asleep! Quick before she comes and sits on all our beds

Peter

Children leap into bed and cover themselves, Wendy puts out light but computer is still on. Peter Pan comes out of the computer. He moves down to the main stage. We see his shadow (strong spot Does some playing with his shadow (back projection/white sheet)). He looks at the children one by one and stops for a while at Wendy. She moves, he runs back to the computer, she gets up to switch it off and Peter disappears again leaving behind his shadow (and cuts off Peter's shadow).Wendy quizzically removes the sandow and puts it where the auidience can see it and it is accessible from the ground. She then gets back into bed. 

Wendy

 

Whoops, tut tut tut mustn't waste electricity.

Tech Crew

Peters Shadow has to come off. Ideas include

  1. Making the shadow fall off the web site (Computer Graphics when the window is closed?)

Back lighting is replaced by a real person playing the shadow. 

Nana

Downstairs: Nana wakes up. Lots of woofing and snorting noises. Roles off te settee onto all fours. Shakes herself then stands up to reveal that she is the pantomime dame. 

Nana

Searches round until she finds the audience

Ahh, OOPS, Sorry Mrs. Darling I must just have had 40 winks after my evening perambulation. Mrs. Darling...Mrs. Darling? ... Ohhh she must have gone. Oh Who are you lot?

Nana

 

¿

Goes up stairs

What's the time? Gracious the children should be in bed. Ii wonder if they have bathed. I bet they haven't had a goodnight kiss, if It weren't for me those children would be completely neglected. Ms Darling is such a high flyer, such an important job in television, and Mr. D he gets so bored and depressed with her away such a lot, spends all his time at Quizgo, down the allotment, being tree warden, school governor, Village Hall committee member. He even thought about being a parish councilor last year, but then didn't everyone. Ahh me. I'll go and check on those children

Nana

Trips on something, staggers about

Ulrika!

Come on now you three its time for bed.

John

Sits up

What's Never land Nana?

Wendy, Michael

Sit up

Sssh, it's secret!

Nana

Nana tucks in Wendy and Michael and then tucks in John, she whispers.

John, Neverland is the name of the place where the singer Michael Jackson lives.

Ohhh and its also in a book that your mother read to you once when she had a day off a few years ago. The book is called Peter Pan.

John

Nana switches off the lights and moves to her own bedroom. After a few seconds, John whispers.

Michael!

Michael

 

Go to sleep

John

 

Wendy!

Wendy

 

Yes John?

John

 

You know on the Neverland web site, it's not a saucepan, it's a Pan!

I think the password is "Peter". Nana says that there is a book about Neverland that Mum read to us once.

Michael

 

Mum, doesn't read us books!

Wendy

 

No, I think John is right. Mum did read us three a book once when John was quite small and she wasn't able to get to work. It was called something like Peter Pan. When we wake we will have to try it.

 

The computer is stillcomes on and the audience can still see it. There is 30 seconds gap and then windows starting up music starts. Tinkerbell appears out of the now switched on computer.Looks around and spots Audience. Tinkerbells laser light moves round in the dark and Tinkerbell appears from below stage with a red flash.

Tinkerbell

Everything goes black. Enter Tinkerbell in spot - little light, little tinkling. Comes thro door. Looks around

Ohhh This is an odd web site. Is this a chat room? No. Well its certainly not BBC.CO.UK. Lets look at Peter Pans History File! Microsoft.com, no. It is the home page of Freeserve? Has one of the lost boys sent me by email again. They do that you know. They wait until I'm not paying attention and then attach me to an email.

Its not funny you know.

Well is it www.lego.com or is it ...."Village"-on Trent?

Tinkerbell

 Change this to make fun of the "village name"

It is "Village" on Trent then. Is that "Village" on Trent@Freeserve.co.uk or is "Village"-on-Trent at virgin.net

Audience

Tell her

Note. Tech crew or band does not prompt unless the audience is really stuck.

Tinkerbell

Sudden realisation

What just "Village"-on-Trent. What kind of address is that.?

........You're not a web site at all are you? Oh No! I've fallen thro' a hole in the web. I'm trapped in ACTUAL Reality

Audience

 

Yes

Tinkerbell

ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð ð

I've got to get back to virtual reality, because my human friend Peter has done something really stupid. He's lost his shadow somewhere and he can't find where it is. Nobody where I live has a shadow except for Peter and it is very important that I find it for him. I've got a listing of his history file and I have been following his trail all over the Internet today. But where in cyberspace can it be?

Have you seen it?

Audience

Tell her

 

Tinkerbell

Gets the shadow. Throws away lots of free CDs

Now, how do I get back into the West O'neverland website?

I know ...

Tinkerbell

Makes up rhyme

Going to West O' Neverland

Nothing could be sweeter

We know what the password is

www dot PETER

Peter

Appears from the computer, slaps thigh. Taliking down to T who is centre stage

Hello Tinks, what are you doing here?

Tinkerbell

 

Oh Peter, you shouldn't have come out here....

You'll catch a virus!

Wendy

Wakes up

Oy aren't you the person I mean the picture, I mean your picture......bb.....ppp....pers....ppp West O' Neverland.......thingy...... site. What are you doing in my bedroom?

Peter

To Wendy then he walks down and says to Tinks

Tinkerbell called me.

Have you found my shadow?

Problem

Shadow problem mentioned earlier

 

Tinkerbell

 

Yes, Here you are Peter. Erm, We've got a problem.

Peter

Looks for it

What has my shadow ran away again

Tinkerbell

Wendy wakes and moves down during this bit to ground level.

Ohhh Peter, it's worse than losing your shadow. We're stuck.

Peter

 

We're stuck? How? Why? Where?

Tinkerbell

 

We have fallen through a hole in the Internet! We'll never get back...

Peter

 

Try typing "West 'O' Neverland" into YaHoo!

Tinkerbell

Scotty impression

COMPUTER ERROR SCREEN

The search engine just won't take it Captain. Anyway There are all these people stuck here as well ... look how unhappy they are ... they must have been here ages.

Peter

 

Ahh! These are like real people, but they are ACTUAL reality, not virtual reality.

Wendy

 

Non-virtual we are REAL, Really REAL, Really really, really REALLY REAL

Tinkerbell

Touches Wendy, and she can actually touch Wendy!

Eeuuugh! Real people? You mean they ... (whispers into Peters Ear)

Peter

 

Yup

Tinkerbell

 

EEEuuuugh! ...And they (whispers more)

Peter

 

Yup

Tinkerbell

 

EEEuuuugh! ...And they (whispers more)

Peter

 

Yup

Tinkerbell

 

EEEuuuugh! ...And they have mothers ... and ... fathers!

Wendy

 

Well, we've got some, but they're not here much

Peter

To children in audience. John and Michael wake up.

Mums and Dads! Who needs mums and Dads. You don't do you? They get in the way don't they. They want you to go to bed early and go to school and eat horrible vegetables; clean you teeth and ... they quarrel with each other.

I know a place where there are no mums and dads.

John

Wakes up

I don't want to clean my teeth

Michael

Wakes Up

But I want my mummy

John

 

... but mum's never here anyway. We don't need parents.

Michael

 

Oh Yes we do

John

And audience

Oh no we don't

Michael

And children?

Oh yes we do

Peter

To Michael, John and the children.

What do parents make you do?

Michael

Gives a nasty example

They make us wear school uniform

John

Gives another nasty example

They make me clean my bedroom

Peter

Moves down ladder. Encourages children in audience to say what they don't like about parents, musicians and tech crew too.

I know a place where you don't have to do any of these things. I know a place where you can stay up all night and never feel hungry and always eat chocolate and play "Tomb Raider Threefour" for weeks. There is no bathing or washing or dirty dishes because there is no dirt. There is no

School uniform or bedrooms to clean

It's the best place on the Internet, Its called...WEST O'NEVERLAND! You could come there with me. We can fly virtually anywhere.

John

 

Yeah I like the sound of that place

Michael

 

But I'd still miss my mummy

John

 

I've told you before, Mum's never here....or Dad for that matter.

Wendy

 

But Michael, whenever you miss Mummy I am always there.

Michael

Stops thinks

But I'd still miss my Wendy.

Wendy

 

Nana and I always do everything anyway. We'll look after you.

Michael

To Peter

Who looks after you in West O'Neverland

Peter

 

You don't need to be "Looked After" in West O'Neverland.

John

 

Come on Michael. Let's go with Peter.

Michael

 

OK, but only if Wendy comes too.

Wendy

She does really!

It don't think it's a sensible thing to do Michael

Peter

Alluringly

Please come Wendy, we need you to look after Michael.

Wendy

 

Mummy wouldn't like it?

Peter

Suggestively

Mummy's not going to know!

Wendy,

 

Well all right then, but how do we do it?

Peter

 

First you have to type in the secret password that nobody knows

Wendy

To Audience

We know, don't we?

Peter

 

Oh no you don't

Wendy, John, Michael, & Audience

 

Oh yes we do

Peter and Tinkerbell

 

Oh no you don't

etc

 

 

Wendy

With Audience

But I do know...

Going to West O'Neverland

Nothing could be sweeter

We know what the password is

www dot PETER

Peter

Crestfallen

Ohhhh, you do know!!! You must be clairvoyant!

Michael

Usual look routine

No she's my sister. I go to school with Clare Voyant.

Peter

Has glitter in pocket

But you don't know this

To get to West O'Neverland you have to think happy thoughts!

And then say

The nicer your thought the happier your face

With a sprinkle of dust, we fly through cyber space

SPECIAL EFFECTS,

Peter and children disappear into the computer

Michael and John do a Haley into the computer. Tinkerbell, Wendy and Peter hide understage. Computer graphic of children disappearing.

Nana

Enter Nana as they go

Goes around looking in each bed in turn. To Audience...Nana needs to out of the audience this information...

Has a go at Adults

Children, Children, where are you?

Where are they? How did they get there?

Oh, Internet expert are we?

History files?

Rhyme

Think happy thoughts

What makes you happy? To Audience

Swedish meatballs, Abba, Ulrika Johnson, Ikea, Vikings............

SPECIAL EFFECTS

DISSAPEARS SAME WAY AS CHILDREN.

Nana goes understage. Computer graphics mimic as before.

Tinkerbell

Enters

Okay, they've all gone, you can go home, shows over, nothing to see here.

Tech crew

& Stage Manager

House lights on, doors open

Oh well that's the end of the show. Thank you for coming. See you again next year.

Audience

 

Ahhh (disappointed)

Tinkerbell

 

Urmm, oh well I suppose you may as well come with me back to Neverland do you want to

Audience

 

Yeahhhhh

Annoying Kid

 

No!

Tinkerbell

Put house lights back down

Well come on then. Think your those happy thoughts, all together now

Going to West O'Neverland

Nothing could be sweeter

We know what the password is

W...WW dot PETER

(nothing happens)

 

Come on your not thinking happy enough thoughts some of you adults are thinking of work on Monday think happy thoughts like of your mother-in-law or torturing your boss/spouse. Once again

Going to West O'Neverland

Nothing could be sweeter

We know what the password is

WWW dot PETER

tekkies

Special effects. Zoom in on VH. Show people standing nearby.

Village hall flying in cheesy wizard of oz tornado, star trek type leaping around, Medley of funny falling

Examples

Kenny in wizard of oz type killing

Shaking audience

 

Show VH picking up and flying away. Faces of astonishment as VH flies off. Modifying a still photograph of the village hall and then removing the VH should be possible. - in actual fact we eventually built a cardboard model of the village hall and some surrounding buildings and then videoed this travelling away.

 

The rest of the script includes Redskins (American footballers), mermaids and pirates. The story is taken from the book and then modified to be internet based. It has all the traditional pantomime elements. This is as far as we know the first panto script to be broadcast live to the web. You will need a PC OR VIDEO PROJECTOR TO DO SOME OF THE BETTER EFFECTS _ OR ANOTHER CLEVER TECH CREW!

 

 

Top?

Last updated May 2004