Dear PlanetGrrl, Please help me...........

im an angry grrl at the moment. been seeing this guy. he came out of a 5yr relationship a couple of months before we got together. he's messed up bout it and iv been giving him loads of space and understanding. had mass row last night as he says we're starting to care bout each other too much and he's scarred of getting close to anyone again coz his ex created on him badly. he's said he needs freedom and said he can't promise he can be faithful to me. iv told him im not bloody sharing him with anyone, but. the thing is he feels definitely like Mr. Right. Should I give him the time of day ever again or not?

he woz honest with me and he's not been a wanker. he's just doing wot is right for him.

i wanna give him time to get over his ex and if he needs to c & do what ever with other people to help him move on should i bother? my brains saying don't bother it's his loss, my hearts telling me not to give up. help!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry is this is abit longwinded

my only therapy is putting slap happy L7 on, maybe that isn't even enoughXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Reader

It can take a long time for people to get over a relationship of any length but particularly a longer one and it could take him up to half of the time of the relationship itself to actually get over it (this is a guide that grief/relationship counsellors often give to reassure people that they should not be trying to get over something too fast).

So save yourself! USE SOME TACTICS.

If it is how close you have become that is worrying him then step away a bit. Just slow it down. It doesn't mean you have to finish with him nor that he will decide to finish with you: if anything a bit of breathing space may be just what he needs to realise how much he would miss you.

So maybe if you see him 4 times a week see him only 2 or 3 times.

Say "you know I love you but I am not going to tell you this for a while as it seems to make you feel like bolting" - and then stick to it!

Put an end-time on how long you are willing to be with someone who - however nice, however right for you - is fucked up about another girl. There ain't room for anyone else but you 2 and at the moment it sounds like she is in there with you. Another worry is that if he keeps warning you he may not be faithful then you will eventually stop trusting him at all - and that's fatal.

Good luck - & OF COURSE keep on with L7 as well, some angry grrl sounds is always a good thing.

love
Planetgrrl Sam