|
You may find some of the advice below a bit harsh-sounding. It is not meant to sound that way. I am just trying to give you some ideas about how to deal with this in the simplest and least painful way.
I need some help please!! You see my problem is quite similar to the one above.....except that my guy (who I only see every other weekend) was flirting with somebody I absolutely hate right in front of me (an I mean really flirting)
This speaks volumes you know. If you & he are great friends he knows who you hate. And yet he flirted with her anyway (is she his own age?). No doubt she was chuffed to notice how angry and hurt you were. You have to wonder what he was hoping to achieve. To see how far he could push you? Cos he doesn't care what you think? Cos he forgot you were there? Another thing that does occur to me is why only every other weekend? what is he doing on that between weekend? You gotta wonder. Just cos you are behaving
yourself doesn't mean that everyone is as nice as you are.
When I got mad with him he got mad with me and we ended up arguing!! We didn't talk at all the next day until I finally went up and apologized....he apologized too and said he'd really missed me and the whole thing had ruined his weekend!!
He got mad with you?? Hmmmmm. Come on girl, do you want to have to live your life walking on eggshells, pretending you are fine when you are FUCKING MAD and always apologising even if you are not in the wrong? (the answer is NO). Poor thing, he had his weekend ruined. But who ruined it? He ruined it himself by not showing you any respect and then by expecting you to just bow your head and just put up with his crap behaviour.
But now I don't know whether to trust him any more as someone told me he's already got a girlfriend...he denied it of course and said the only serious relationship he has is with me.... another I probably should have mentioned is that he's 20 and I'm 15 but we didn't think that would be a problem as we get along really well and are great friends...but I also fancy the arse off him.
OK. This guy is 20. He is older than you but he is still a boy. He is young, he wants to have fun, he wants to do what he wants to do. And at 20 he can. He can earn money, drive, go to work or college or both, he can live away from his parents, he can vote and drink and get married if he wants. He has access to all kinds of freedoms and responsibilities. Which, for now, you do not. So this just on its own causes a pretty big chasm between your experiences & automatically means that what you can manage for a
'serious' relationship is not the same as what he can manage. Also, what does that mean: his only serious relationship is with you? Who are his casual relationships with then? Listen, I am sure you are mature for your age, girls usually are at your age, and I am sure he is pretty immature for his age, boys usually are till their mid-50s or later. But the fact remains that there is this really big difference between you: it's no good pretending its not there. It's there alright. And you should ask yourself
why someone who can do all those adult things listed above would go out with someone so much younger than themselves (cos at your age it is a gap, in experience if not in actual years). I don't mean there is anything wrong with you. Perhaps someone his own age wouldn't put up with as much as you would cos she can just piss off to the pub with her mates.
He did say he'd ring me at the end of the week but that was nearly 2 weeks ago! II don't know what to do..I'm going to see him next in a week!
There are 2 things you can do here. You can decide that if he hasn't rung you he is sending you a message, i.e. he can't be bothered to ring you, he knows you will eventually ring him anyway so why make the effort. You can accept this, you can say 'OK this thing is soooo over' and you can deal with your broken heart, you can get over him.
But to do this you need to be strong and there may always be that doubt that maybe he was ill and couldn't ring you, or he was busy and couldn't ring you (believe me, this is bullshit, if someone is so ill or so busy they cannot manage a 2 minute phonecall then, honey, you are just not on their list of To Do's). So what I would do is this: I would ring him and say 'hey how come you didn't ring?'.
LISTEN CAREFULLY to what he says. Is it excuses, is it codswallop, is it bullshit? You sound pretty together to me, put your bullshit radar on, I bet you can detect it if you let yourself. And while you are listening to him ask yourself this 'if I was not Bex but Bex was my bestest friend would I let her carry on with this guy? would I advise her that she was wasting her time?' Why treat your friends better than you treat yourself?
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. Tell him - without drama, as quickly as possible so that you don't get drawn into some more discussion - that you don't think it's working. That you aren't sure if you can trust him although you love him (or fancy him, use your own word). Tell him that if he wants you to stay together he should ring you before your next visit was planned and he should arrange a night out together so you can sort it out. If he doesn't ring you have your answer. And if he does ring you know he wants to
stay together. It sounds very harsh and it will not be easy but if you are brave, stick to your guns and think of yourself you can finally get your answer: does he want to be with you or not. And if he does not, don't waste any more time on him, get out!!
Sam
|
