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First thing, be prepared -
take your credit card to the shops beforehand. Find a big department store and head to the
perfumerie place .
Find a nice lady in a white coat, give her about 30 quid mentioning the
words 'alpha-hydroxy acids' and she'll hand you something in a jar. Next, go to a coffee
shop and order half a pound of freshly ground medium roast Columbian coffee. Buy a
cafetiere.
Go to large chemist and buy a bottle of bubble bath, caffeine tablets, fizzy
water (doesn't matter which, go for the coolest bottle), headache tablets, 'oral
rehydration powder' (ask a nice lady in white coat again), fake-tan and some hair pack
stuff. Go to the Newsagents for chocolate and magazines of your choice. Take
a taxi home.
Have a bit of a sit down..
Put all of this stuff except the face-cream in one place so you don't have to move too far
to find it all. Put the face-cream in your bedroom out of the way of light-fingered
house-mates (you can justify feeling mean cause it did cost 30 quid after all).
The
Recovery Plan
Use this when you've only had a few hours sleep and still need to impress. We can't
promise you'll look like a 'Friends' girl (hmmmm....) but you'll look better than you did
beforehand. Before you go to bed, However tired you are .. cleanse your face and put some
of the face cream all over your face and neck. You don't need to use much, which is
fortunate, as it costs so much...
When you're awake and semi-aware run yourself a bath and put in half the bottle of
bubble bath. Be sure to fill the bath very full, whilst you're waiting for the bath to
fill, put some water in a glass, add the rehydration powder, stir and drink...yuk...eat the
chocolate. Take a glass of the fizzy water into the bathroom, along with the magazines.
Make sure the bath is really really hot, and get in it. Sit back, sweat and drink lots of
the water.
Don't fall asleep!
Read the magazines, drink some more water. Can you be
bothered to wash your hair ? If so plaster the hair pack all over your head, If not you
can always slick it back later with some hair serum for a stylish cyber-chick look , or if
you don't have any of that, try a tiny bit of ordinary hair conditioner. You should feel a
bit better by now. Wash the hair pack (if you used it ) off your hair after about 20 mins.
If you still feel sleepy, pluck your eyebrows, this will wake you up instantly and give
you a more wide-awake look generally. Get out of the bath, put on a bath robe and go get
the rest of the provisions. Take two caffeine tablets and drink some more fizzy water.
Make the coffee. Sit down and watch something mindless on the telly (see PlanetGrrl TV Guide) .
Drink the coffee. Paint your nails if you can be bothered, with some one-minute dry
nail-polish.
If you're having a 'fat' day, put on some fake-tan, which makes everyone look
thinner. Moisturise everything then put on your make-up (fully utilising wonderful powder
& foundation-in-one for maximum time-saving), either dry and style your hair, or use
the serum and go for the cyber-chick look. Then get dressed. A spritz of perfume and
da-da, you will look gorgeous enough to walk past any ex boy or girlfriend with your head
held high.
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